Page 150 of Cursed Shadows 4

Another step brings him closer. His hand travels around to my nape, and there his fingers are quick to tangle in my braided hair.

“Even now, in your filthy state, unwashed,” he says, a frown furrowed at his brow, “I would get on my knees for you.”

My wide eyes cut aside. “Well that is disgusting and I would not allow it. Please never speak of it again.”

A small smile curves his lovely mouth.

“I was close to forgiving you,” he murmurs.

And my heart flips in my chest.

A flicker of anxiety passes through my uneasy gut.

I am mute. Simply looking up at him, I wait.

“Many moments came to pass,” he says, and brings his face to mine, “And I almost confessed my schemes to you. I almost let myself—”

“Life is full of almosts.” I lift my chin. “And they are as empty as human promises.”

“You do not wonder?” He nudges my nose with his own. “What it would have been if we followed our almosts?”

The ghosting of his soft lips brushes along my cheekbone.

“What if…” My words fail, whispers taken away on the wind.

He stills against me, a breath pinned to his chest.

His mouth moves softly against my cheekbone. “What if?”

I turn my chin aside.

I steal away his taste of me.

“What if the gods do kick us off the mountain before we reach the Mother Stone? What if you fail—and I live?”

Will youletme live?

That is the true question behind my words.

I draw back, a side-step around the edge of the tree, and fall under the weight of his gaze. It lands on me like lead.

“What will happen to me?” I ask in a whisper.

“If you survive…” He pauses to swallow, hard, then a tension grips his jaw. “If you survive, Nari, I’ll let you go.”

I stare at him.

His words don’t hurt me. They do not flood me with hope. We have danced this dance too many times before.

It has lost its power over me.

“I never intended on keeping you,” he says. “Not since that night. I have made that clear. I never lied to you about that.”

For a long moment, I consider him.

Is it numbness that has crept into me, stolen me whole, and filled in the gaps and cracks around all these fragmented bits? I decide that it is peace.

I am at peace with our parting.

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