Page 32 of Jinn

“Do you think that I?—”

Finn nodded.

“Whoa.”

“That’s also why I wasn’t sleeping. Ajax, this would change everything for you.”

“Of course it would.”

“Not in a good way,” Finn added.

“What do you mean? Soulmates mean we could be together. Stay together. I don’t know about you, but six months isn’t enough time for what I’m feeling for you.”

Finn picked up his hand, then threaded their fingers together. When he didn’t speak, Ajax quickly grew concerned.

“What do you mean, Finn?” he repeated.

“We would bond.”

“Thought we’re already doing that.”

“Truly bond. For life.”

“You mean my life, right? Humans don’t live as long as you guys.”

“But if we were to bond, you would. You’re famous, live your life in front of an audience. You’d stop aging and people would notice.” Finn looked away from him, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “You’d have to step out of the limelight. Disappear from public. I couldn’t do that to you because you’ve worked hard for this life you chose.”

Oh.

Ajax didn’t know what he’d do if he wasn’t performing. He could still write music, maybe write it for others, but even behind the scenes he would garner attention for never aging. The thought of being with Finn, truly being with Finn, filled him with incredible joy, yet he also loved music. Not being able to create it…not to perform it… He wasn’t sure what that would do to him.

“I can tell by your silence that you’re understanding the ramifications,” Finn said in a low voice. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headboard. “You could possibly get away with another twenty years, but then you’d have to disappear. I can’t see how you’d be able to live with that.”

He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t imagine a life without music. It had been his everything for so long. Not that he’d give it up. He could still create. But to not put his creations out into the world? To not perform? He stared at Finn, at this beautiful man who’d crawled into his heart and made a permanent place. “There has to be a solution,” he whispered. “We can’t give up on this. Tell me something. I’ve read about soulmates—is there only one for each of you?”

Finn looked at him. “Yes.”

“And it took you three hundred and forty years to find yours.”

“I didn’t expect it to ever happen.”

“What you’re feeling for me…you’re sure?”

“Ajax, it didn’t take me long to realize that what I was feeling was something powerful. And it didn’t take me long to understand that by having you, I’d be taking away the biggest part of who you are. What you are. You’re an artist, and you create beautiful music. I’ve seen you singing live in videos. You love performing. You were born to perform.” He frowned. “I shouldn’t have let this get as far as I did, but I couldn’t resist you.”

Ajax felt like he couldn’t breathe, his chest tight, lungs frozen. Twenty years. He could probably get away with twenty years. Then what? But as he stared at this kind, protective man he’d fallen for, he couldn’t imagine any kind of life without him.

Was there really a choice?

Chapter Nineteen

Finn

Finn watched Ajax a lot over the next two days, which remained uneventful. Ajax worked on his music, and though they’d had sex and spent a lot of time holding each other, Ajax was quieter than usual. Finn knew he was thinking about what Finn had told him. And Finn didn’t know what else to say. It felt kind of hopeless to him, but there was still a thread of hope that burned like one of Ajax’s constant candles. He tried to ignore it because no matter how he framed their situation in his mind, it always ended with him taking away a major part of Ajax’s life.

He should have called Xavier and got someone else on this job, but he couldn’t stay away. He wanted as much time as possible with the man because he loved him. Truly loved him. And with that love came the fear of abandonment he’d always felt. He’d never let himself care about people other than the friendships he had with his coworkers. But this was something entirely different. This was a deep connection he felt to his soul. Touching Ajax made his body burn, and just flat out being in his presence made his heart sing.

There was still the option of not going through the final bonding spell. He could be with Ajax through the rest of his lifetime. Worry about the many lonely years when they happened.

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