Page 16 of The Accidental Text

Mom:Just FYI—from a guy’s perspective, I think you should definitely tell Dawson how you feel.

My eyes go wide. I drop my phone, pull the pillow from under my head, and scream as loudly as I can into it.

So, not a grandma. Not even a woman. A guy. A man. I’ve been texting my deepest thoughts … to a man. A stranger man.

That’s it. I need to escape. I need a plan. I’ve been living the past year like a nun—I might as well be one. Sister Maggie has a ring to it.

My phone vibrates again. I pull the pillow off my face to look at it.

Mom:I hope that wasn’t too forward. Sorry again. About your mom.

Maggie:Thank you. Can you possibly delete all the texts I sent your phone? Please?

Mom:Of course

Maggie:Thanks. I feel super weird right now that I was texting a complete stranger.

Mom:I’m Chase. Now you have a name. So, not complete strangers.

I shake my head at my phone, picturing what this guy might look like on the other end. What would a guy who reads texts from a stranger for two weeks before telling her look like? He’s probably a computer genius or something. He wears short-sleeve button-up white shirts and knows every line ofStar Wars. Not the prequels or the new sequels. Only the three originals. He’s aStar Warspuritan. That’s how I will picture this Chase person.

Like that showChuck. No … Zachary Levi is much too handsome to be on the other end of my texts.

Maggie:I’m Maggie. Thanks again for deleting the texts.

Mom:Sure thing. Take care, Maggie.

I set my phone down next to me. Well, that’s that, then.

I feel so many things right now. Embarrassed would probably be the main feeling. But I also feel a bit betrayed by my dad. Well, betrayed seems a bit extreme. How about bamboozled? Although you can’t really be bamboozled if the person doing the bamboozling had no idea he was doing it. Maybe it’s more like disappointment.

I do feel some relief that my deepest thoughts aren’t out there on someone’s phone anymore, but along with that relief comes another realization: My mom’s phone is gone. There’s no more texting her. No more writing her in secret. The tether is gone.

Tears spring to my eyes. No more texts. How am I supposed to cope now? I guess I could journal. I could pretend like I’m still texting my mom on a journaling app or something. But even as I think that, I know it won’t be the same. When I would write a text and hit send, it felt cathartic. It felt proactive, in a way. It felt like a connection.

And now that connection is gone.

Chapter 6

“That’s hilarious,” I declare to Dawson, laughing out loud.

We’re standing in the lobby of the shop, by the check-in desk. He’s wearing navy-blue coveralls and a bright smile. It honestly deserves awards, that smile of his.

He’s been telling me about something ridiculous that Chad did, and while it was funny, it wasn’t exactly hilarious. But this is me trying to flirt. I think. I’m rusty.

It’s been two weeks since I found out I was texting a complete stranger. It’s been hard. Harder than I thought. I’ve taken to talking to my mom in my head. But it doesn’t have the same feeling.

I deleted the number from my phone so I don’t accidentally send a text to that guy again. It felt like a stab in the gut when I hit that gray circle with thexin the center and deleted her number. It’s not her number anymore. It’s Chase’s.

At least I get to keep all the texts I sent her. Not that I plan on looking at them anytime soon. I don’t want to lose them, though. Or the texts she sent me before she died. I’m not ready to look at those either.

My dad tried to talk to me about it again when I saw him at work, but I just told him it was no big deal. Even though it was. I couldn’t tell him that I’ve been spam texting some poor guy. I get a little uncomfortable chill up my spine when I think about it. So I tryreallyhard not to.

I guess I understand why my dad didn’t tell me he canceled the number. I would have thrown a fit. I still wanted to but had to stop myself from verbalizing my anger because there would have been too many questions. So I only told him that I would have liked to have known. He apologized again, and that was that.

Well, I wish that was that. It feels like there’s another part of my life that’s missing now, and the hole in my heart that formed when my mom died feels like it will never close.

But today I woke up and decided that despite this hole in my heart, I need to get back to my life. And since I’d like to have Dawson in my life—romantically speaking—I need tomake my move.

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