Page 12 of The Accidental Text

“Gee, what a pep talk,” I say, my voice flat.

“You’re welcome,” she says extra cheerfully.

“It would be so much easier if he made the first move.”

She puts a finger to her chin. “This is true, but I have a theory with Dawson.”

“Do tell.”

“Your dad is his boss.”

“So?”

“So, that complicates things. Because if he flirts with you or asks you out, and it’s unwanted, that could affect his job.”

I tilt my head to the side. “I guess?”

“So that’s why you have to make the first move—so he knows you’re interested and that the door is open.”

I let out a breath through my nose. “Maybe the problem is that I’ve never made the first move before. Not outright.”

“Oh, you poor, poor creature,” Hannah says sarcastically. She puffs out her lips and shakes her head. “Poor sweet Mags, never had to make the first move. I feel so sad for you.”

“Shut up,” I say. “I’ve made moves, just not the first one. Plus, it’s not like I’ve got some long list of lovers in my life.”

She scrunches her nose. “Gross. Never use the wordloveragain in my presence.”

“Oh yay, another word to add to the list,” I say. Hannah has a long list of words she hates.Pantiesbeing the top offender. I don’t know why she tells me—it only makes me want to say them more.

“So tell me, oh wise one, how do I make Dawson mylover,” I over-accentuate the word and then give her my best smirk.

Her eyes shoot daggers at me.

“Fine, sorry. Just … tell me what to do.”

“Make a move.”

I let my shoulders slump. “Yeah. I tried that, remember? And it kind of felt like not being able to jump out of a plane.”

“Maybe this will be good practice then. If you put yourself out there for Dawson, then maybe it will make you feel more daring and you’ll be able to jump.”

“That seems a little far-fetched. And besides, what if he rejects me? That would probably set me back.”

“Maybe,” she says, lifting her shoulders briefly. “But you’ll never know unless you try.”

“I guess,” I say, and then move to stand up from the couch. “I think I’ll go sleep on it.”

“Okay,” Hannah says. “I mean, it’s only ten thirty, but you do you, Grandma.”

In my room I lie down in my bed, pull out my phone, and start texting my mom. I tell her about Dawson and what a chicken I’ve become. I ask her if she has any sound advice she can offer.

I know what she’d say if she were here. Something likeSeize the dayorWhat have you got to lose?I can hear her voice so clearly in my head. I remember what she sounds like, what her skinny fingers felt like in my hand. The smell of her auburn hair. I hope I never lose those memories.

I scroll through my phone, looking at my one-sided conversation that goes back and back. As my eyelids start to feel heavy, I make a wish that she could write me back, just once. Even so, I’m grateful I have this little piece of her still.

Chapter 5

Maggie:Hi, Mom. Today is a new day, right? I never appreciated when you used to say that. Sorry about that. I’m feeling a little lost this morning, and a little angry if I’m being honest. Maybe I’ve entered that anger phase of my grief. I don’t know what to think. I just don’t feel like me anymore. I know I’ve told you all this before. Sorry for the repeat. But it feels like no one understands. That might be the hardest part. I feel sort of alone in all this. I know you’d tell me I’m not alone, if you could talk to me right now. I know you’d tell me to be strong and all that. But you’re not here. And no matter how hard I try to channel your strength, it doesn’t seem to be working. Miss you, Mom. So much.

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