Page 10 of Too Close To Call

My heart aches for what he’s gone through. All these years, he’s carried the burden when he never should have. Because of me. I should have done more to see him. Tried to explain, but my shame over what happened afterwards stopped me. Now it’s my fault he’s lived with this guilt for years. “No Case, you didn’t. My dad was already dead when you ran into him. He had a massive heart attack that caused him to hit the wall and spin out. There was no time for you to react, even if you could have seen through all the smoke. Dad never should have been driving that day. Nobody knew he was seeing a cardiologist because he’d been having chest pains. Dad went against his doctor’s advice and put off surgery to clear blockages until after the 500 race. I never knew he’d been having problems.”

Case pushes up from the chair, runs a hand through his hair, and walks to the window overlooking the practice track. “That’s why you were trying to contact me?”

“Partly. I was mortified at how I handled my grief. I lashed out at you and said some horrible things. I wanted to apologize. I came to the island several times, but the guys in the garage said you were busy.”

I will never forget how insignificant and angry that made me feel. My chin tips and I try and fail to mask the frustration in my tone. “Too busy to see me, Case?”

He doesn’t answer my question; instead, he ignores it. “You said partly. What was the other reason?”

I join him at the window. It’s dark and you can’t see much from only the light of the moon. When the lights of the practice track are on, it’s as bright as daylight. I can feel his body heat beside me, yet he’s still so far away. A shiver runs through me and that quickly I want him. That’s when I realize I don’t know anything about Case anymore. He could be married. He could have children. The last thing I want to do is to cause trouble for him now. I glance at his hand and don’t see a ring, but these days that doesn’t mean anything. I need to know. “Do you need to call someone and let them know you’re going to be late?”

He grins. “If you want to know if I’m married, Tori, just ask.”

My face heats because that was a fishing exposition. “Well, are you?”

His facial expression hardens. “No. I’m not married, or engaged, and I don’t even have a girlfriend. It seems I have trust issues that prevent more than two dates with the same woman.”

I wince, understanding that’s my fault too. My stupid mistakes caused so many problems.

“I’ll ask again. What did you want to talk to me about?”

I shrug and wonder if whatever I say will make a difference. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter, Tori!” he snaps bitterly

I startle and tilt my head up to meet his eyes and admit, “Fine. I wanted to ask you to come home. To me. To us. I missed you, Case. I’d just lost my dad and the man I love on the same day. I was hurting and I’m afraid I didn’t handle things very well. I knew you were upset because of me. I wouldn’t blame you if you hate me. But why? Why wouldn’t you see me?”

“I was hurting too, Tori. Dale was like a father to me and I loved you so much, it brought me to my knees that you thought I’d ever do the things you accused me of. Leaving you killed something inside of me, but I did leave because I didn’t want you to look at me and see the reason your father was dead.”

He saidloved. Past tense. I can’t catch my breath. I duck my head and press my lips together to keep from crying out from the pain. I didn’t know it would hurt this much. I stand up straighter and stare into his eyes. He turns away first, but I know I see the spark from long ago still burning. I refuse to accept that Case feels nothing for me.

“That still doesn’t explain Daisy. Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

I turn around and let my forehead touch the cool glass pane of the window. He has to know. “When you left, I couldn’t cope. I was dealing with my father’s funeral and estate. My mom showed up like a vulture swooping in to scoop up the spoils. Dad didn’t leave her a thing and that only made matters worse and I had to get lawyers involved. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. But I could drink and it dulled the pain and allowed me to blissfully deny the things I couldn’t accept or deal with at the time. I know it was wrong. It was weak of me to escape in that way.”

I have to stop and take in air. My hand presses against my heart to ease its pounding beat. “About a week after the funeral, a bunch of the guys came over. I’d spent a trying day listening to my mom rant about my dad and what she felt she was owed. By the time the guys got there, I was already drinking and had more as the night of remembering Dad wore on. I’m honestly not sure what happened, but the next morning I woke up in bed with one of the guys. Naked.”

Case flinches as if he was shot. “Who,” he asks, the clipped word short and steely.

I look away because I can’t see the damage I’m going to cause. No. I turn and face Case. I need to see every ounce of hurt my actions cause. I owe it to him. Then I say, “Ryan Busch.”

I see the shutters slam shut over his emotions. His whole body tenses. I quickly try to explain. “Cindy had filed for divorce and Ryan was lost and hurting. I’d just returned from Faire Island a few days before and I was feeling…raw and rejected. I realize those are excuses, but that’s the state of mind I was in.”

Ryan and Case were best friends for many years. I’m sure he sees it as a betrayal not only from me, but also his buddy. I have to try to make him understand what happened back then. It doesn’t matter what I say, he’s going to feel deceived.

“Please try to understand, Case. We were two broken souls trying to find a minute of peace from the pain. That doesn’t justify what we did and we both knew it was wrong, but it happened. No matter how much I wish I could go back and do it over differently, I can’t. The whole time I was pregnant I begged the universe to let her be yours. After Daisy was born, I had them run a DNA test. I had to lay any doubts about you being the father to rest. In my heart, I believed she was yours until those papers were in my hands.”

There’s no more I can say or do to change the past. The rest is up to Case.

Not only do I feel him pulling away, I can see it in his eyes. Without another word passing between us, he turns and walks away.

“Case!” I call out, but he doesn’t stop. I run to the door and out to the parking lot, placing myself in his path. “Please, Case. Talk to me. Yell at me. Whatever you need.”

He simply walks around me and braces himself with his hands on the roof of his car, his head bowed, dejected. Slapping the car, he turns with his hands fisted by his side. I ready myself to take whatever he has to say. His mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

I take a step closer. I want to punch him and taunt him to fight back. To fight for us. But when I see devastation on his face, I cave. “I’m sorry, Case. I’m sorry I accused you of killing my dad and using us. I’m sorry I made you leave. I was grieving and lashed out. I never meant it. Never. And I’m sorry Daisy isn’t the child we’d always dreamed of having. I’ve regretted every day of the last five years that she isn’t yours.”

Finally, he looks at me and I want to beg him not to say it. “I thought what you said that day was bad. The pain you caused was far more than what I felt from the wreck. But today you’ve destroyed me, Tori.”

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