Page 48 of Grounds for Love

A sob from Jenni breaks my focus and my eyes leave the screen. She has tears in her eyes and pooling over onto her cheeks. Her chest is rising and falling and I can tell she’s on her way to freaking out. She closes her eyes and cries, “It’s true. I’m pregnant.”

I can’t stand to see her cry. I brush her tears away and kiss the top of her head. Her hand grasps mine and I hold on tight while the tech works to get the info she needs.

I’ve only been thinking of myself and haven’t once stopped to think about Jenni’s emotions. Her hand tightens on mine and she’s looking to me to give her the reassurance she needs. I don’t know if I can. I stare at our hands and then back at the fluttering on the screen. This baby is happening. A shiver runs through my body. For whatever sick reason, fate gave us this child. We’re in this together and it’s time I start acting like it.

“I can tell you that, by the measurements, you are about twelve weeks along. Give me just a minute and I can tell you a conception date and your due date.”

My gaze connects with Jenni’s. We don’t need a date. It had to have happened the first time we were together, in the pool. She smiles weakly and I grin and rub her cheek with my thumb.

“A pregnancy usually lasts for about 280 days or forty weeks. By the date of your last cycle, your due date is around January fifteenth.”

“January fifteenth,” Jenni repeats with a forced smile.

“This is the part I love.” The tech has an excited grin on her face. She flicks a switch and a whirling sound echoes in the room. “That’s the sound of your baby’s heartbeat.”

Our eyes connect and widen in awe as we soak in the sound of our child. It’s such a beautiful sound, my breath catches and tears threaten my own eyes. Jenni reaches up and cups my cheek and smiles.

“That’s our baby,” she says softly.

I’m too choked up to respond so I just nod and bend over to kiss her trembling lips.

“I love you, Jenni,” I whisper beside her ear.

She smiles and her hand in mine eases its grip.

The technician puts her cart back together and leaves us with a cloth for Jenni to clean her tummy after letting us know the doctor will be in to see us. I take the cloth and rub it over Jenni’s skin to clean off the gel. We’re both quiet and not sure what to say.

Doctor Ellison comes in, and an hour later we walk out of the office with too much information in our heads to process. Women over forty are more susceptible to having miscarriages, chronic illness, high blood pressure, diabetes. And possibilities for a baby with chromosomal abnormalities, a one in nineteen chance of Down syndrome, heart defects, genital abnormalities, skull deformities… and that’s when my brain cuts off and a cold, dead fear takes over. The doctor gave us options and I’m not sure how I feel about any of them.

I can’t get caught up in what ifs or even how one mistake is going to change my life completely. My priority now needs to be Jenni. There’s a baby and we need to make some hard decisions together. We need each other now more than ever.

I can’t lose Jenni.

---