Page 42 of Love Over Easy

My head drops in defeat. How many times have I heard the same thing? I have underlying guilt that he always picks up on and plays off of to get me in line. Even though I know I’m innocent in the death of my mother, it’s still because I was born that my father lost the love of his life. My brothers have told me how he used to be and how he changed after she died. In some strange way, I do feel as if I owe him.

I turn my head and meet David’s gaze from the other room. From his clenched jaw and troubled eyes, I know he heard everything. How much do I owe my father? David doesn’t want me to fight anymore. Would my father consider us even if I lose the man I love?

Love?

I blink and my mouth is suddenly dry. I love David. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Why couldn’t I see it before? I want to go to him and tell him, but my father interrupts my thoughts.

“Shyanne, the ferry is leaving in forty minutes and we need to be on it.”

I turn back to my father. Suddenly he looks like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I know what I did caused him a lot of stress and he probably took a lot of heat from our sponsors. My guilt level rises.

Why do I even feel like this is my concern? Because he’s my father and he’s the only one I have.

My dad’s gaze meets mine and for a moment I could swear I catch a glimpse of the man he used to be. The father that cared and loved. “Shyanne. One last match. Do it for me.”

“Dad…” I look back at David. His eyes are steely brown and unmoving. How can I leave him? After knowing how it feels to love someone, how can I give that up?

My dad was forced to do the same thing in a much more permanent way. The day I was born, he expected to bring his wife and child home from the hospital and he didn’t get that chance. In a matter of moments, his life changed.

Did my father love my mother the way I love David?

I rub my forehead from the sudden pain needling my brain. “I need to think about it.”

“Don’t take too long. We have a lot of catching up to do. I’ll call Paulo and Dek and have them make preparations to begin training.”

My shoulders sag. He’s already won. “Dad. I said I need to think about it. I never agreed to do it. Stay here at the Inn or go back home. When I make my decision, I’ll contact you.”

“I’m not leaving here without you.”

I push to my feet. “That’s not your decision to make.”

I walk out of the Inn and David and my friends follow. Each gives me a hug and words of support before getting in their cars and leaving. David takes my hand, which I find promising, and leads me to his truck.

Once I’m buckled in, he walks around to the driver’s side and gets in. We’re halfway to our house—his house—before he says, “You’re going to do it, aren’t you?”

Emotions press against the back of my eyes. I don’t answer him because I can’t. The rest of the drive is made in silence. As soon as he pulls in the driveway and cuts the engine, I get out and walk around the house and down to the beach. I sit down on the warm sand and pull my knees into my chest.

David sits beside me, our thighs touching. I lean and rest my head on his shoulder and his arm wraps around my back. “I have to, David.”

I feel tenseness in his body. “No, you don’t. You don’t owe your father anything.”

I knew he wouldn’t understand. I also know this is the end of whatever we had. “I don’t expect you to understand. My relationship with my father is complicated.”

A spark of fire alights in his eyes. “He’s using you, Shy. Can’t you see that? He’s never going to give you unconditional love. I don’t think that’s even in his nature to give.”

He’s wrong. A long time ago, it was in my father’s nature to love. I killed that emotion. “It used to be, before my mom died. My brothers say he was never the same afterwards. I do feel like I had a part in causing his grief and for the man he is today.”

The tone of David’s voice becomes sharper. “You never asked to be born. You can’t hold yourself responsible for his happiness.”

“Can’t I? Because of me, he lost the woman he loved and the life he thought he’d have. I changed all that. How can I not, deep in my heart, feel guilty?”

He looks down into my eyes with so much emotion in his that I can’t breathe. His raspy voice cracks as he asks, “How can you ask the man who loves you to stand by and watch you get hurt?”

I’m asking too much of him. There are always risks. “I’m good, David. I’m really good. I’ll be fine.”

“There’s always a possibility with MMA cage fights that one wrong kick or punch could put you in the hospital or even kill you. I’ve read the stats and I’ve even watched fight videos. I can’t do it, Shy. Please don’t ask me to. I won’t stand by and watch you do that to yourself.”

The desperate pleading in his eyes make my own fill with tears. “What are you saying, David? Are you asking me to choose between you and my dad? Are you saying that if I fight, we’re through?”

---