Page 29 of Someone Save My Midlife Tonight

No answer.

“Dadadadadadadadada!” Alana Catherine squealed, pointing to the front door.

I kissed the top of her head and hoisted her up on my hip. She’d gotten bigger. Even though she was technically only a few months old, she was the size of an eight-month-old. The thought made me happy and sad. Hell, she could be five in a month at the rate she was growing.

Gently, placing my fingers under her chin, I raised her gaze to mine. My heart melted a little at her innocence and beauty. If she grew up fast, so be it. I would enjoy every second of each phase. Staring at her with adoration, I decided to trysomething. There was nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain.

“Hey baby,” I said, booping her nose with mine. “Can you tell mommy what you were going to say on the Higher Power’s plane?”

She giggled like I’d just told the funniest joke in existence. I couldn’t help but grin. Her joy was contagious.

“Meeeee! Itty Ritty! Yay!”

I tried again. It would be nuts if she was trying to tell me that Shitty Ritchie knew the answer, but nuts was our normal. “You were about to tell me and Gram why the Higher Power wanted you. Do you remember, sweetie?”

“Meeeee! Itty Ritty! Yay!” she repeated, grabbing my nose with her chubby hand.

“Does Itty Ritty know the answer?” I asked, feeling like I was getting nowhere fast, but trying anyway.

My baby was done with our chat. My nose was entirely too interesting. It was a long shot, but I was going to grill Itty Ritty. With barely anything to go on, it was someplace to start.

Anything was possible. I just had to believe.

A commotionoutside my bedroom window woke me. I jumped from my bed and whipped back the curtain. The full brightness of the morning sun hit me square in the face, but as my vision recovered, I saw a crowd of my closest friends and family had gathered on the lawn, and they looked shaken to the core. The chaos was unexpected and unsettling.

With a quick flick of my hand, I placed a protection ward around my baby, threw on my clothes, then grabbed Alana Catherine from her crib and headed downstairsto make sense of the madness. When I walked out into the impromptu neighborhood block party, everyone was running around while talking and shouting over each other.

Grabbing Candy Vargo as she sprinted by, armed to the teeth, I yanked her to a stop. “Talk. Now,” I insisted.

“Jennifer, Missy, Amelia and June are back with my foster kids. Tory and everyone else too,” she hissed as she ran her hands through her hair. She was holding a razor-sharp dagger and almost cut her ear off.

“The Higher Power?” I asked, glancing around wildly in alarm.

“No,” she said, trying to pull away.

I wasn’t done. “Did Shitty Ritchie do something?”

“No, lemme go, corn nut,” she snapped. “I’m tryin’ to work this shart out.”

I let go, and she sprinted over to her foster kids. Scanning the area, I saw Tim moving with purpose towards a shaken and pale Jennifer. Lura Belle, Dimple and Jolly Sue hovered over Jennifer as well. Shitty Ritchie was perched on Tim’s shoulder, freaking the hell out. That didn’t bode well, but Candy had said Shitty Ritchie wasn’t the problem. I chose to believe Candy. However, if a tornado started to blow, Shitty Ritchie was a goner.

Heather was with Missy, holding her tight. Charlie’s arms were wrapped around a trembling June. My stomach felt like a lead ball had dropped into it and exploded. What the hell was going on?

With wild eyes, I assessed what was happening in front of me and took a head count of my friends and family. Amelia was with Rafe. Tory was with Gabe. Zander and Catriona had returned, too. Both Zander and Catriona looked worse for wear. They were huddled with Prue and Abby. Catriona was abloody mess, and Zander looked like he’d come close to death. Prue and Abby were tending to them with their Angelic healing gifts. An intense golden glow surrounded the group.

Gram, Mr. Jackson and Jimmy George Carrots were darting around like hummingbirds on crack. As they zipped by in a frenzy, I ducked. Having a ghost fly clean through you was like getting stabbed with icy knives. There was no time for that. Jimmy George Carrots looked terrible. The ghost was withering fast. One of his legs was gone, along with one of his arms. He was also far more transparent than he was yesterday. That was worrisome. Snapping my fingers, I conjured up superglue. If I could find his body parts, I could glue them back on. It had to suck falling apart. Right now, there weren’t enough hours in the day to do all the jobs I had to do.

Seeing Gideon striding over to me was the first tiny bit of relief I felt. Everyone was accounted for, but I still had no clue what was going on.

“Talk to me, please,” I insisted tightly. Not knowing was terrifying. My mind was all over the place. Like Jimmy George Carrots, I was falling apart… and it did suck.

Gideon pulled Alana Catherine and me into a hug and rested his chin on my head. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. “Unknown Immortals came for the old human-ish woman at Candy Vargo’s home.”

I pulled back and stared at him. “What? That makes no sense at all. What the hell does human-ish even mean?”

He scrubbed his hand over his jaw. “Not a clue. They threatened to kill everyone there unless the human-ish went with them willingly.”

“Sense. You need to make sense,” I insisted.

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