Page 5 of The Naked Cleaner

It’s not like I have anything better to do right now, and then once I’m sure he is fine? I am refunding Jonas his bloodymoney and never setting foot in this goddamn flat again.

Chapter Three

Pontus

I’m not a total fuck up.

Okay. Ehhrm. Maybe I am a little bit of a fuck up. Because the headache I am spouting is kind of normal. I always wake up with my head pounding like a beast and my teeth clenching and my heart racing in my chest. But on top of that, I feel like someone has punched me in the face.

Someone did years ago when I was still at school. Some stupid argument when I was drunk and probably too cocky for my own good. I remember being all stunned by it and stumbling away in a blind mess as blood poured out of my nose and my ears rung out with some kind of weird static.

Today though? It just aches. And my forehead is all tight and swollen and it takes me a little while before my thoughts align enough to remember all the crap that went down earlier. Or was it yesterday? And on top of that I had a four o’clock conference call with a new supplier and fuck.FUCK!

I have no idea what time it is. I have no idea if it’s day or night, and I sit up in sheer panic, only for my vision to blacken out, and I feel like I am going to faint again...orthrow up. I’m not sure.

Then, there is this almighty crash that breaks the silence and I kind of force myself up from the fear of it all and stumble clumsily down the hallway, holding onto the walls like a toddler learning to walk.

“TheFUCK?”

I can be polite if I want to. And to be honest, I am terrified. I have been burgled once and it wasn’t fun, and the thought of facing an intruder head on is something I don’t even consider before galloping down the hallway like a fool.

“You’re awake. Good. Dinner is ready. Sorry about the noise, the handle fell off your pasta pan, and honestly mate, that pan is going in the bin. It’s dangerous! Anyway, the pasta is good, and I made a sauce. I wasn’t sure whether you are vegetarian or not, so I stuck to a vegan one, with cheese on the side. Good?”

It’s the naked weirdo. Of course. I mean, with my luck, of course I would end up with the damn cleaner stalking me and refusing to leave, and now I will have to call the police and have him forced to leave and file a restraining order. I am also never speaking to Jonas again. Because this? This? This is like my worst nightmare. Strangers. People in my flat. Food.

Well the food is not a bad thing, it smells bloody gorgeous and my stomach makes a growling sound somewhere deep inside and it’s embarrassingly loud, to the point that this Louis dude giggles and points to the chair, the one with the plate of food being put down on the table. With a tall glass of water and a folded napkin.

“Why are you still here?” My voice is all raspy and my head is pounding like a motherfucker.

“Pontus, mate, you fell. Fainted. Big nasty bruise on your forehead. Jonas’ orders, okay? I have to monitor you for any side effects of your fall for a good twenty-four hours.”

He says that like it’s totally normal. Which makes me snigger, because it suddenly dawns on me that he is, once again, naked.

Apart from a plain white apron with generous splashes of tomato sauce down the front.

“And look? I’m wearing clothes. So, give me a little slack here.” He says, looking almost offended at me laughing.

“That is not…clothes.” I say, sarcastically, snarling out the wordclothes.

“It covers all the essential parts.” He replies, like he is mocking me.

“I can see your butt.” I say. Like I am a toddler.

“I’ve got a great butt.” He sasses back. Of course. “And anyway, who are you to talk? MrI am such a prude I pass out when faced with a little skin? Look at yourself, you are just wearing pyjama bottoms. I am kind of wearing much more fabric than you are.”

He’s actually got a point. I’m not sure how I got into bed. Or why. Or what happened to my shirt and tie. I’m sure I was wearing a shirt and tie.

I must look really confused and a bit scared, because he comes and sits down on his haunches next to the chair and takes my hand.

Which is so weird that I jerk my hand back in fear, yet he doesn’t even flinch.

“Look Pontus. Nothing happened. Jonas undressed you and put you to bed, and you have slept for a good couple of hours, which is great. Your vitals are good, but you need to eat, and Jonas is concerned about you being dehydrated which I agree with. You are going to drink another litre of water before you go to bed later, and I will wake you in the night to get some more liquid into you. I would have preferred to get you on a drip, just to top you up and give us something to work with, but unless you let me take you to the emergency room and sort you out, we haven’t got that option. I am assuming you are not nauseous? Visual disturbance? Headache? Confused? Talk to me.”

“Fuck you, Louis.”

Yeah. Charming. I know. But at this point he is already driving me crazy, and I kind of want to eat and go back to bed and forget about the shitload of work that I have missed out on, and the missed meeting I had,andthe grovelling I will have to do. I am behind with everything and then I was going to get started on this month’s invoicing, and…

“Pontus. It’s okay. It is. You can hurl abuse at me all you want, but I am not leaving until Jonas comes by in the morning, and I can see your brain working. Your whole body is twitching with unease and it’s fine. Honestly. Just eat your food and drink the water and then go back to bed and sleep. Everything else can wait.”

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