Page 38 of The Naked Cleaner

LOUIS: Great.

PONTUS: Just fuck off.

PONTUS: You are driving me crazy.

PONTUS: How do you know you are lactose intolerant then? If you are all vegan? I just don’t get it. I don’t get you. Full stop.

LOUIS: Told you, I grew up on a dairy farm. Let me tell you a cute story. My grandma came to Denmark when she was 18, and got a job as a farm hand. She had come over from Chile to work, and was really bossy and determined so the farm was going well and the owners liked her, so when they retired, she bought the place. Anyway, she employed lots of farm workers, and she employed this new dude, to muck out the barns. She went to check up on him on his first day and he had almost finished the first barn, shovelling muck stark naked. She screamed at him, and he apparently screamed back. In Spanish. They married a year later and she became a naturist too. He was one, by the way, he loved animals. He loved my grandma and he loved that farm. My grandpa is the best.

PONTUS: Cute story, but has nothing to do with you being lactose intolerant.

LOUIS: Stop being so grumpy. It was a dairy farm. We lived off bloody milk. I was constantly sick and then I got tested and Mum made us all go vegan, and it made a huge difference.

PONTUS: Okay?

LOUIS: It’s fine. I don’t mind. I like being vegan, but you can eat whatever you want. I will still kiss your dirty mouth. And fuck you.

PONTUS: Fuck you too.

PONTUS: Just come over.

LOUIS: I will be there as soon as I can.

PONTUS: Did you really use to run around in the grass naked? Instead of going to school?

LOUIS: Yeah, we lived on the farm until my grandparents retired, and sold it. There is no future in small farming anymore. It was an amazing place, my sister and I just all ran around naked there all day. Then I went for my first sleepover at Jonas’ house, I was probably about 6? His mum tried to get me to wear pyjamas to bed and I screamed like she was trying to axe murder me. She never tried that again. I still hear about it every time I go to Jonas’ house, how I almost had her arrested when the neighbours called the police.

PONTUS: That’s kind of hardcore.

LOUIS: I know.

PONTUS: But what about in Winter? Snow?

LOUIS: We’re not Neanderthals you know, we wear clothes in winter. Outside, especially with rain and snow. Dude. We live in Denmark. The civilised world and all that.

PONTUS: I know. I’m an idiot.

LOUIS: Stop texting me. I need go get stuff done so I can come and get naked with you.

PONTUS: I will be a nudist then. In bed only. Will that work?

LOUIS: You can be whatever you want to be, baby. I don’t want you to be anything else than what you are. You are you.

PONTUS: It’s still weird. All this.

LOUIS: I know.

PONTUS: The bruise on my head is almost gone. It’s just a little bit of yellow bruising now.

LOUIS: Stop texting me.

PONTUS: Can’t help it. I think I miss you.

LOUIS: I miss you too.

PONTUS: (love heart)

LOUIS: (Kiss emoji)

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