Page 25 of The Naked Cleaner

I want him. I want him here. He’s not coming back.

I wasn’t that pathetic last night, was I? Should I have blown him? I would have, but it’s kind of, we were kissing so much and I never really. Really? Maybe I disappointed him. Maybe I bruised him and marked him and scared him. Maybe he looked at himself in the mirror and saw the state I left him in and went,Fuck no!

I am drilling myself into a right state there on the sofa, cringing and wanting to cry and contemplating calling Jonas and deciding to be all adult and survive this little blip in my great quest for singledom.

I miss him.

I barely know the guy and I miss him.

My finger hovers over the contact details and I open up a blank message.

To: Louis.

Then I don’t know what to type.

I miss you please come and cuddle me!

I delete that.

Do you want to watch some more of that wanky show?

No,no,NO!

Thanks for yesterday.

I’m not sixty, and I am not polite. Delete, delete, delete.

My fingers hover over the screen and come dangerously close to the little handset button. I shudder. Then. No, no, no! I panic-press all over the damn screen then manage to get the call to disconnect. And then he rings me back. Almost like he was sitting there with his damn phone in his hand.

“Hello?” I reply, all flustered. I’m supposed to say Andreassen Solutions. No. It’s after office hours. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.

“Hi.” He says quietly.

“You okay?” Thankfully my brain is working. Phew.

“Yeah, just finished my mum’s yoga class. Just need to hit the shower and then….”

“Is it naked yoga?” My mouth is stupid. I am stupid.

“Of course, it’s naked yoga. The class is full, there are currently sixteen naked people having green tea in my mum’s studio in our basement, Pontus. I’m number seventeen and I can’t stand green tea. Hence I have left to have a shower.”

“Oh.”

I’m so stupid. Why can’t I think of anything to say? I am picturing him naked. He is naked right now. He is going to soap himself down in the shower and I am not there. He is not here.

“You can come here and shower.”

Yeah. Smooth Pontus.

He laughs, just softly.

“Do you miss me?”

“No.” I don’t even sound cocky. I kind of whine the word out.

“You miss me.”

“I’m not allowed to watch the rest of the damn show without you.”

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