Page 21 of This Thing With Charlie

“So…the sex-machine thing. If I asked you to, would you let me?” he said with a little smirk on his face.

“What are you asking?” I said, a small shiver going up my spine because I knew exactly what he was asking. He took a step forward and chewed a fingernail on his hand, staring at me from under his fringe.

“I’m not going to agree to you and me messing around, taking things slow and all that because I don’t think that would work here. We’re both grown up, and you are skittish enough as it is. I want to take you downstairs, right now and fuck your brains out on that mattress in front of the fire. Let’s just do this and do it right,” he said like it was a done deal.

“Oh.”

“I told you, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t just dance around the elephant in the room. I need this, with you. If we’re laying roots? Then they’ll start right here.”

“By you sticking your dick in my arse.”

“That’s the idea. I know what I want. I want you, every way I can have you. That’s the deal. And you need to own up to yourself and tell me exactly what you want in return. Because kissing and bribing me with keys and beds and stars in the sky and bloody granite worktops, is all good. But us? You and me?”

“You want granite worktops?” I smiled, trying to buy myself some time. He wasn’t buying any of it, staring at me like I was being a particularly truant toddler. I didn’t know what I wanted because I wanted everything. I didn’t know what to say because I wanted to say it all. I didn’t know what to do with this man on my landing with his hands back in his pockets and his fringe in his eyes. I didn’t know what to do with the feelings inside of me. I didn’t, so instead I grabbed his arms and shoved him against the wall, and I kissed him, my chest pushing him up against the peeling wallpaper as my hands ripped at his trousers, and he tugged almost violently at mine.

“So, your dick in my arse will solve everything,” I hissed into his mouth as I dragged his jeans down over his arse.

Then I had to stop and breathe as my hand smoothed over his curves because, fuck me, sideways, he had a fine arse. Rounded firm globes under my palms as I rutted into him and suddenly, I realised that this? With him? Didn’t feel so weird after all because this part I knew. This part I understood as my t-shirt went flying, and my arms were in the air as his mouth was sucking hickeys into my collarbone, and his hands were all over my back.

There was cold air around my groin as my joggers hit the floor, and his hand found a firm grip around my cock. Then he stroked it, and my mouth groaned.

“It’s too cold for your fine arse up here,” he grunted and gave my behind a little slap.

My mouth didn’t seem to be able to form words for a comeback, so I just nodded like a puppet and stumbled down the stairs with one jogger leg still round my ankle and a sock on the other foot. The heat of the downstairs was fantastic as I dropped the last of my clothing on the floorboards in the kitchen and dragged him behind me into the room where the fire was just at a nice glow in the fireplace and the bedsheets were warm against my skin. I tumbled down on my back with a now-naked Charlie crawling on top of me, his mouth trailing kisses on my bare skin, and his hand dragging his bag behind him.

“Got lube and condoms and a small plug, just to get you used to the idea.”

The gulp that came out of my mouth was ridiculously loud, but at the same time, my dick jolted. So, I didn’t know what side of the fence to sit on, if I liked this or not because there was smooth skin under the palms of my hand and a defined chest and softness around his stomach as I let my fingers roam. He was freckled everywhere, even around his nipples where the skin was marbled with toffee specks of colour in smooth little shapes.

“Roots,” I mumbled out, “is what I want. I want roots growing right here with you. I want us to figure this out, and I want you to come home to me at night and not fuck around with anyone else.”

“I won’t be your little wife.”

He wouldn’t look at me after the words had left his mouth, almost like he regretted the entire evening in an instant.

“Don’t be a dick,” came out of mine because that was exactly what he was being. I might have spent the last month regretting those awful words that had so easily spilled out in my moment of madness, and yet here he was throwing misery right back in my face.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “I’m not just used to… you know. I want to tell you stuff, but I’m so used to shutting myself off. Sex, it’s just physical you know. With you? I don’t know how to behave right now. I’ve never been… so invested in sticking my dick into someone like I am with you. I want you to… Daniel, I want you to want this as much as I do. I want to be with you, and fuck knows, I want to build this bloody house with you. I want to live here and wake up with you and have you tell me you love me because… You know?”

“I don’t know,” I replied sternly. “I don’t know who you are when you are like this, but I love you. I love the Charlie who makes me dinner. I love the Charlie who never stops to breathe. I love you when you are stupid and ridiculous, and I love you when you make me laugh. I even love you when you piss me off, and right now? I kind of love you, even though I am kind of being blackmailed into having sex with you… and that thing… you mentioned.”

“It’s a small anal plug. It won’t hurt you,” he said, suddenly being a totally different Charlie again. One that was small and frightened and curled up in my arms. I stroked his hair. Let my fingertips touch his skin.

“You don’t have to be anyone other than yourself with me.”

“I pretend I don’t care with people I fuck because I don’t. I just want a good time, and it’s easier just to shut the feelings out. I don’t know how to do this… with you. With all the feelings because I have them, right here. They are right here inside my chest, and you? Fuck you, Daniel.”

“I love you too.”I kissed him again. Hard and deep, claiming every little breath that was trying to escape from his mouth.

“I’m no good with all those words.”

“There are no right or wrong words.”

“I’m supposed to say it back.”

“You don’t have to. I know you do. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.”

“Those other people? I don’t want that either because I’ve seen what it does. All these twats who say open relationships work for them. They never do. Someone always gets hurt. There’s always someone sitting there with a broken heart at the end. So, I won’t fuck around with other people if I’m with you. I’ll always come home to you at night.”

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