Page 19 of This Thing With Charlie

He laughed.Thank God for that.

“I’m hanging up on you now,” he said.

“Please don’t.”

“Daniel…”

“I can’t do this. I can’t play this game anymore. I can’t go to sleep not knowing where I stand. I’m so tired. I’m so fucking tired of this madness of being in love with you and not knowing what the hell I am doing. Charlie, please.”

“Go open your front door,” he said.

“What?”

“I’m coming to you, you idiot.” He laughed. Then he hung up on me.

This thing with Charlie had obviously made me lose my mind because I had no idea what just happened, what I’d done or what I’d said.

“I’ve…” I said out loud, but I couldn’t say anything else. I was just standing there, staring at the phone in my hand.

Then I panicked, and I could almost hear Charlie’s laughter as I knew exactly what this meant. I was having a full-on gay panic because I was in love with him, and now, he was finally coming to see me, and I sniffed my armpits and checked my hair in the windowpane. I looked like shit, and I panicked even more.

Then I didn’t. But still, my heart was beating out of my chest as I went to open the front door and stepped out on the wet stone step. The sky was black, and the streetlight a few doors down was casting a dull sheen over the road, glittering little rivers of water running down the asphalt towards town as I kept watch for movement.

There was none, and I sighed, crossing my arms around my body to keep out the chill. It was January and mid-winter. I smiled as I realised my house was nice and warm, the roaring fire in the front room making the space I now called home a ridiculous damp-ridden place of calm.

I went back inside, leaving the door on the latch. Smoothed down the blankets on the sofa and let out another resigned sigh at the neglected mattress, still carelessly leaning against the wall. My pillows mocked me in their naked state on the floor, and I hadn’t even unpacked the sheets or made the duvet up, instead, curling up and spending my nights on the sofa, like a lazy teenager.

I ripped the plastic off the mattress, placing the heavy springs carefully on the floor as far from the fire as I could get it. It looked ridiculous, but right now? It would have to do. I opened up sheets and shook out pillowcases, making the bed up like a grownup to keep my head straight, and I needed anything right now to keep me calm because…

I threw the duvet on the makeshift bed, carefully straightening the corners.

It would have to do. I sighed, staring at my messed-up ideas of interior design.

I lit the scented candles and then blew them out, feeling like I was trying too hard, when all I wanted to do was scream.

Then, I stood on my doorstep, gazing down the empty road like a lovesick fool.

I was a fool and lovesick was as close as I could describe the feelings that I struggled to put words to in my head.

And there he was because I would recognise him anywhere, keeping a steady pace up the incline of the hill, carrying a bag on his shoulder and wearing a knitted hat on his head.

I shivered, then smiled, then hugged myself and rolled on my heels backwards and forwards like an overexcited child.

Charlie, my Charlie.

“Daniel,” he said politely as he took the first step up the stairs and stopped.

“I love you,” I said.

“No, you don’t,” he said back, smiling as he skipped into my arms.

He hugged me, and I hugged him back. I held him in my arms as my chest constricted and sobs threw punches in my stomach. I hugged him and held him, and my face was in his neck, and I wondered if I ever could let go. If I did, what would happen, and if I didn’t? I would just stay here forever.I wouldn’t mind, I thought as I rocked him in my arms and let my lips kiss the skin on his neck. I kissed the soft hair on his neckline, and I kissed the back of his ears. I ripped off the damp hat on his head and sniffed at his hair, breathing him in like the lovesick fool I was. I loved him. I didn’t care anymore. I needed him. Him.

“Daniel,” he said into my chest. “Are we going to stand here all day or are you going to invite me in?”

I just giggled, almost hysterically, because I was suddenly feeling a little bit high. High on him. High on everything we could become.

“Come,” I said, taking his hand. “Come in.”

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