Page 14 of This Thing With Charlie

“Hang on, I’m just switching the camera on so we can see you.”

I stared at the phone as a horde of children appeared on the screen with Charlie in a Santa hat fighting for room with a baby on his lap.

“Everyone, say hello to Charlie’s friend Daniel!” Charlie shouted as the children all waved and cheered.

“Hellooo!!” I shouted back as they all laughed and stared at me.

“You Charlie’s boyfriend?” one of them asked, pointing a finger at the screen.

“N… ma… maybe?” I tried. Because. Yeah.

“Daniel is a doctor!” Charlie declared, making the children doAhhhsandoohhs.

“Do you like blood?” someone asked.

“Can you operate? Like cut people open?”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I wasn’t good with children.

He rescued me, walking out of the room as the children chattered on behind him trying to follow him wherever he was taking me.

We were suddenly outside, going down a small staircase leading to a garden path, where Charlie took a seat on a rusty, old garden bench.

“Those are my nieces and nephews. Gorgeous kids, but they drive me mad.”

“You’re not having kids then?” I asked, smiling at him. He was gorgeous. I was definitely attracted to him. There was no question in my mind when he was right there. On the screen. A million miles away from me.

“No, no. I have enough fun hanging out with those little monsters. I don’t want kids. What about you? Do I hear the pitter-patter of little feet somewhere in your future?”

“Charlie,” I said sternly. “I don’t want kids. I don’t want a marriage. I don’t want all those things because I’ve tried living like that and, frankly speaking, I suck at being someone’s husband. I suck at relationships, and I suck at playing happy families. I don’t have any aspirations to adopt or find a wonderful surrogate anywhere. So, there you have it.”

“Then what do you want?” he said, chewing on his fingernail again.

“I want to try to be with someone who will make me happy. That’s what I want. I want to fall asleep with someone next to me and wake up with a smile on my face just because you’re there.”

“I’m not the daydream you have made up in your head. I’m a twenty-six-year-old bloke with issues. I’m on my own because I haven’t got time for anyone else in my life. You said it yourself, I’m burning the candle at both ends, and I will probably drop dead from a heart attack one day, and all your efforts to woo me will be wasted.”

“I’m a doctor. I’ll save your life.”

That made him chuckle.

“Daniel, I went out clubbing last night and shagged a bloke in the toilets. I also had a threesome with my best friend a few weeks back, and he still won’t return my calls. I’m not the person you think I am because that person doesn’t exist.”

I didn’t want to hear him talk like that. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want him to be with other people. I just…

“I just want to see if we can make this thing… because you see, Charlie, this thing with you? That’s what I want.”

“We never had a thing.”

“We did. Even Mrs Hallet said we had a thing.”

“Mrs Hallet is an old gossipmonger.”

“She’s my new best friend, now you’ve dumped me.”

“How’s your new house?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I climbed up in the loft earlier. There’s loads of space up there. I’m going to convert it into a bedroom and put a massive window in the roof. I also need help designing a cheap kitchen with enough workspace for you to teach me how to bake.”

---