Page 12 of This Thing With Charlie

I sent him a message before I could stop myself, just a,Where the hell have you disappeared to?Followed by, I miss you, you twat.

Romance had never been my strong suit. I realised that now, watching bewildered as the screen did nothing. And then I found Mrs Kasinska was reading over my shoulder from the visitors’ chair.

I was the worst GP ever. I knew that too.

What do you want?He had replied sometime during the afternoon. I reread the words over and over again as I headed down the hill towards town, feeling almost faint with the lack of lunch. I needed to look after myself better. I needed to figure out what to do with Christmas. I needed to stop being such a child and get myself back under control.

I didn’t know what I wanted, but I graciously accepted Penny’s offer of dinner at the bar-for-lonely-twats-ception, where I had to share space with a bunch of surly teenagers and their geriatric grandmother. I sat there and ate the microwaved pie she served me with gratitude and fervour. As Penny poured me another pint, I started to compose a message in return.

I want to ask you a load of embarrassing questions. Was that the best I could do?

What kind of questions?came back.And what level of embarrassing are we talking about?

Why have I not got your number?I sent, shaking my head in disbelief.

Because you’re a selfish twat.I smiled and then smiled again as Penny took my plate away.

Please talk to me about sex. What is it that you would want to do with me? Say, if I found you a little bit attractive and was a tiny bit curious.

I blushed and cringed as I sent it.

Don’t.

He was right. I shouldn’t. And yet, I was doing it again.

I miss you, and all I can think of is you. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

You’re the doctor. He followed that one with a load of ambulance emojis.

I know about anal sex. I know about prostate exams. I am familiar with lube. The rest of my gay education is sadly lacking.

Tell me something I don’t know.

He was pissed off, but at least, he was talking to me.

I gave up on him as I took my pint and headed up to my room. I stared at the Messenger screen and took a deep breath. Then I pressed the little handset and brought the phone up to my ear.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” I said back.

“Where are you?” I blurted out because, obviously, I was behaving like some jealous possessive boyfriend already.

“I’m staying with my brother in Manchester,” was all he replied.

“Oh.” Why did I not know that he had a brother? Or did I?

“Yeah.”

“I really need to… Charlie, I really want to just sit down and talk to you. Do you think… we could do that?”

“We’re mates, aren’t we?” he replied.

He was still angry with me, and that somehow made me calm. That was the way it should be because I deserved it. I deserved all the sarcasm and snootiness he fed me because I did still have some overdue grovelling to serve up.

“When are you back?”

“I don’t know. I need some time out, and I need some time away from you. I don’t want to be your midlife-crisis-bi-curious-rebound adventure, Daniel. I just don’t. So, I don’t know how we are going to move on from here. That’s why it’s better if I just stay away for a little while, then maybe one day next year, we can go for a drink and laugh about all this? You can show off your new girlfriend, and I can show off my Grindr date. All nice and civilised.”

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