Page 163 of Goaltender Interference

“Even though I’m gay?”

Viv dragged in a shuddering breath, wiping under her eyes again with the pads of her fingers. Connor slipped a napkin free from under his mug of cider and passed it over. She took it, offering him a faint, tremulous smile.

“Nolan, I love you no matter what,” she said, leaning forward.

“But like, I’ve heard people talk about hate the sin, love the sinner. Do you—do you think I’m a sinner?”

Connor felt a sudden, sharp ache in the pit of his stomach.

Viv reached out, tentatively touching Nolan’s hands where they lay on the table. When he didn’t pull away, she gently grasped them. “No, I don’t.”

“So you’re—you’re okay with it?”

Viv hesitated, her glance darting over at Connor. “I—I’m going to need some time to think about it. But I—I will be. I’ll work at it, okay? Because I do love you so much. I have since the moment I found out I was pregnant with you. And nothing will make that stop, you hear me? Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“I think so?” he said slowly.

“It’s going to take me a little time to—to work this all out in my head. I never saw it coming and I’m—I’m struggling to wrap my head around it. But we’ll keep talking, okay? And if the—the GSA at your school has anything that can help me, I’ll read it. Or something to watch. Whatever it is, I’ll—I’ll do it, okay?”

“Well, the GSA is for students, really,” he said with a little shrug. “But um, I could ask our advisor.”

“Good. You do that. And maybe your dad can recommend some things.”

Connor blinked because he certainly hadn’t seen that coming. He had some hockey-specific stuff from the league he’d read before but he could always ask Jesse or Kelly or really, anyonewho had more of a clue than he did for some suggestions. “Yeah, I can try,” he offered.

Viv flashed him a weak smile, then looked back at their son. “I was really hurt when you didn’t want to come home with me the other day. But this was why, wasn’t it?”

He nodded.

“Do you—do you think that might change? Would you want to stay with me again?”

“Maybe?” Nolan said.

Viv flinched, but she didn’t let go of Nolan’s hands or even look away. “Okay. Well, if you—if you need to live with your dad for a little while, while we all figure this out, I understand.”

“Yeah?” There was a hopeful note in Nolan’s voice.

“Yeah. But I’d like you to feelgoodabout staying with me again. So you tell me what I can do to make you feel that way, okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I can try.”

“Okay.” Tears were trickling steadily down Viv’s cheeks now. “Can I—can I hug you?”

Nolan nodded and Viv let go of his hands long enough to come around the table and slide in beside him. It was a tight fit, squishing Connor into the corner, but he kept his mouth shut when Nolan settled his head on his mother’s shoulder, her long dark hair falling like a curtain around them.

“Oh, my baby,” she whispered, pressing her lips to Nolan’s hair. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Connor had to tilt his head back, eyes watering, as Nolan let out a quiet little sob and hugged his mom tightly.

ThankGod.

Connor had hardly slept last night, envisioning all of the different ways this talk could go. This wasn’t perfect but it was good. It was a start for both of them. A solid foundation they could build on.

When Nolan finally squirmed a little, Viv lifted her head, loosening her grip but not letting go of Nolan. “I love you, you hear me?” she said quietly, looking him in the eye.

Nolan nodded.

“And I’ll keep working on things.” She pressed her lips to his hair, then stood, her makeup streaked down her face.

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