Page 78 of Bargain with the Irish Devil

"Declan." I reach for him.

His arms around me in a crushing grip that leaves me breathless. Thank god.

"Every night I fell asleep, I dreamed of you and woke up hating you weren't here. I missed you so much. You were gone for so long.Without hearing your voice, I was so scared you wouldn't want the baby. All those things you said?—”

“Were a lie. I want our baby desperately, as much as you. I was honest when I said I was glad there were no children with Orla. It would have been a complete clusterfuck. But I grew up, and I did think a few kiddos would be nice. Then you talked about thinking you couldn’t have a child. In the moment, I said it so you wouldn’t feel bad. Because if there was a choice between you or a child, I’d pick you every damn time. It’s why it hurt so much when I read that text. The idea that you hated me enough to destroy it—our child… The pain was so immense I couldn’t fucking breathe through it.”

“I could never do that to you or us.” I run my hand over his cheek, in awe at long last, able to touch him again. “It’s not fair. I should have told you the last day I was at my company. I found out Michael was divorcing because his wife cheated on him, and the kids he thought were his weren’t. There was a chance it was his fault we couldn’t have kids, not mine. I should have told you then and let you decide if you wanted to take the chance of a baby, but I didn’t—that was wrong.”

Shaking his head, he sighs.

I rush to make the admission. “A part of me felt guilty, like it’s what I got for not giving you a choice. I also can’t shake the feeling I’m not supposed to be pregnant, that I don’t deserve to have everything I want. A part of me is really scared I’ll lose the baby.”

His head comes down to mine. He’s all I see and breathe. “You pregnant is right up there with you telling me you love me as the best thing to ever happen to me. I knew how sad you were about thinking you couldn’t have a baby. Once I had my ring on yourfinger, I was going to offer up doing the whole fertility thing, all the way to IVF, if you wanted. It just felt like I needed to wait until you were sure the world was safe for you and our kids. Don’t be thinking bad thoughts because there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to give you the life you wanted. This was a dream you had, but it’s coming true, that’s all. The babe is meant to be here the same way you’re meant to be with me.”

This man, it’s like he reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. “I’m sorry. It was as much my fault for not feeling like you could offer that to me. I would have said yes the day you asked me to stay with you. I could also never ask you to leave who you are behind in Chicago."

He pulls away, his eyes wide.

"I missed not only you but our life there. Our home, Aoife, Chicago itself. I've missed all of it. I told you and myself I didn't belong. But it was because I was afraid one day you would come to your senses and find someone prettier, someone who matched you in more ways than me. I didn't allow myself to get comfortable. So it would hurt less when the time came. Only it hurt worse for never letting a part of it in, so the only thing I took with me were memories, not a part of it the way I did with you."

"Are you sure? We could go anywhere in the world. I have the money. I can ensure our family's safety."

I nod, running a finger over his lips. "I'm sure. Over the last two weeks, I've had more time than I wanted to see all the things I did wrong, too. I wasn't all in, not completely. If I were, you wouldn't have had doubts and needed to talk to me first. They wouldn't have kept you in Ireland. I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, he sighs. "You weren't the only one. I should have given you this before I left."

He pulls a ring out of his pocket. A stunning art deco emerald in a rectangle with diamonds inlaid around it, on the side, and in the band itself.

"Oh my god." I exhale.

Gently, he slides it on my finger. He sighs. "You've lost weight. It would have fit if I gave it to you when I bought it."

"When did you buy it?"

"I was in the store having it fitted for you when I told you to spend my money in the furniture store. There I am in the store debating this ring or a diamond the jeweler was pushing on me. The diamond was bigger, but it was boring. All I could think of was how your eyes go green when you're happy, or I'm inside you. Even though it's only six carats, the green reminded me of your eyes too much to go with the diamond."

"I love it. But the only ring I want is a plain gold band."

His chuckle is low. "There is nothing plain about our love. Everyone who sees you needs to know you're taken and mine."

"Forever." I press the word to his lips.

"Until I breathe my last breath." It's a promise.

Three weekslater

Declan

Tomorrow is our wedding day, and today, we’re seeing the obstetrician. Miranda is annoyed I selected this obstetrician over the one her doctor recommended. Tough, this doctor is the most sought-after in Chicago. I had to call in favors to get Miranda in—they are all worth it in order for her to be seen by the best doctor with experience in high-risk pregnancies.

Miranda admitting she was afraid of losing the baby because she didn’t think she was supposed to get pregnant was ice down my spine. I spoke to the doctor, sharing Miranda’s fears about the loss of pregnancy.

The doctor was understanding and it’s one of the reasons she agreed to take Miranda on as a patient.

“Is that a real Matisse?” Miranda whispers. She’s back from the restroom. The receptionist stated she would need to provide a urine sample.

I chuckle. “I told you she was the best in the city. There’s a reason why we’re here and not at the other doctor.”

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