Page 25 of Bargain with the Irish Devil

Her sigh is heavy. “When I was given a promotion that would require me to travel, he told me I couldn’t take the job. And I was done. I took the job. The very next day, he turned off and tuned me out completely. As far as he was concerned, it was over. He started to do his own thing, which included other women. When he found one he liked best because she was young and stupid enough to be his new toy to shape and mold, he moved on.”

She shakes her head. “The only thing I regret was not being the one to walk away. I stayed even though I knew it was over. There was a part of me too afraid of what life would be like outside of my marriage. It was safe. In the end, I was relieved when he left. Even though I thought I was safe, really, I was suffocating. Once he was gone, I could finally breathe again.”

“So he did not break your heart, my dear?” I have to know for sure. Once she finds out about his divorce, would she want another chance?

“I did care about him, but I never loved him—not even a little. It was my fault, too. I married him not sure I loved him. I believed it would come, and that wasn’t fair to him either.”

The relief is more intense than I imagined it would be. “Love and marriage. My uncle tells me marrying for love is the stupidest thing a person can do. My da told me it was the only way to marry despite not even liking my mother when they married. Who is to say what’s the best way of doing it?”

She purses her lips in thought. “I mean, love was never a consideration hundreds of years ago. But at the same time, marriage is hard enough not to do it with someone you don’t truly care about. What about you? How did you marry someone it didn’t sound like you even liked?”

I hate the idea of telling her. In case she uses it against me later. Except she deserves to know. “It was my da’s doing. He wanted me to take over from him. And I would need to be married to do it. Now, I think he probably heard his ticker acting up, and he knew it was coming.”

Her eyes are filled with pity that I pretend I don’t see.

“He went to Ireland and came back with the perfect bride, he said often. I think he believed that since she was younger, it would be easier for us to grow together. Her family is in the thick of our business in Ireland. So she knew how things were to go.”

I shake my head as I remember that first meeting. “She was too young, though. When she came to Chicago, she did everything she could to put herself in the best light. All I cared about was sheunderstood my life and wouldn’t whine about it. She said she did. It didn’t last long. My da kept urging me to give her time. I didn’t and ended up pushing her away.”

“Marriage isn’t easy. Maybe your dad was urging you to because he and your mom went through the same thing.”

“Hm, I don’t know. I never saw my parents struggle with anything in their marriage. Then again, I was only a kid. There’s no telling what went on behind closed doors. Tell me, what led you to go into accounting and not into business with your ex-husband?” I want to know everything about what went on in that mind of hers.

“Michael did suggest a switch, but I had a plan. I researched what degree would allow me to be my own boss and be in control of my work and workday. No matter what, people need an accountant, even if it’s just at tax time. I had plans that once children came along, I could maybe work part-timeor open my own business. I wanted something that would allow me the most options wherever my life would take me. I was lucky that once I went into the program, I actually liked it.” A trace of sadness is in her eyes.

“At least there weren’t any children to muddy the water and make the divorce complicated.” I offer, hating the sadness.

Her sigh is wistful. “And there never will be. I wouldn’t have minded if…”

“What happened?” I’m not certain why a knot is forming in my stomach.

CHAPTER 8

Declan

“Nothing,” she shrugs. “Nothing happened after years of trying. I was never on birth control. We were looking forward to kids. But it never happened. His girlfriend was pregnant before the divorce was final.”

It doesn’t feel right. Miranda would make an amazing mother. A little girl with her big eyes and smart mouth…

“What about you? Were you happy or sad you didn’t have a child with your wife?” Her smile is forced. There’s no light in her eyes. My answer is important to her.

“I was extremely grateful there was no child, and I still am. The idea of kids is nice, but in practice, they’re demanding and loud, and they would keep me from enjoying their mother for a minimum of three months. I’ve also heard too many stories of sex never being the same after?—”

“Because a woman’s body changes? That’s disgusting. She grew a fucking baby?—”

“It’s not about her body. It’s about her mind. They become obsessed with the baby, and it becomes more important than him or even her. How their breasts are only to feed. A mate of mine said his wife told him mothers don’t have sex because it’s dirty.” I shake my head, focusing on the negatives.

Refusing to think of the only reason why I considered marriage to Brenna was because of the promise of children. This isn’t about me. It’s about assuring Miranda there are men out there who don’t give a shit if she can’t give them kids or not.

“Oh. I’ve heard a lot of that, too. I don’t know. There’s always going to be changes to a relationship. But I can see the good and the bad. I love sleeping in and reading the day away on my days off.” She might say the words, yet there’s still a trace of wistfulness in them.

“Actually, maybe it’s a good thing it never happened. It wouldn’t just be eighteen years. We would have been in each other’s lives until one of us wasn’t here anymore. Arguments about where to spend Christmas, then add when our kids had a partner, and those other grandparents got factored in for Christmas and birthdays, all the rest. There would be no escaping the other person.”

“Did you ever consider doing the whole fertility thing? The shots and all that?” I’m curious how badly she wants them. Because now a child appeals even more. I’ve heard horror stories about what it does to a couple’s relationship. The whole idea softens my cock at the idea of Miranda stressed and in pain from all of that.

“No, we never made it that far. I think in the back of my mind I already felt things were off. The one time I suggested getting bothof us tested, he flipped out on me. After the divorce and finding out his girlfriend was pregnant. I don’t know.” She shrugs sadly.

“I don’t want to go through it all alone. While I understand there are no guarantees, it doesn’t feel right or fair to sentence a child to a childhood without another parent. It’s why we would always be in each other’s life. I wouldn’t have cut him out of my life. For our child to not have their father because I didn’t want to deal with their father—it’s not a good enough reason. And I guess that’s my answer. I would love kids, but not enough to go through all of what it would take to have one alone.”

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