Page 14 of Wishing Stone

But now, everything had changed.

When the world shut down, everything seemed to spiral out of control. A global threat just may have been the worst thing to happen to someone with Alexander’s controlling personality. During my efforts to ease his worries, I’d went along with every one of his wishes until I eventually began to feel powerless. I hated feeling that way, and I knew it would inevitably lead to problems in our marriage—which was precisely why I told Dr. Tumblin about everything today. He was the one person who understood Alexander as I did, and I knew he’d be able to help us adapt to our ever-changing environment. While Alexander and I were still the same couple who sat before Dr. Tumblin on countless occasions before, the world was different, and the usual strategies might not apply.

I almost said as much, but I hesitated. At that moment, Alexander was too keyed up and he needed to see this on his own. Nobody could force him. Pushing him may only make a bad situation worse, so I waited for Dr. Tumblin to take the lead.

After another minute of waiting for Alexander to respond, Dr. Tumblin finally spoke.

“Alex, much of the world has returned to a relatively normal life. Yes, there are precautions that need to be taken, but nothing unreasonable. Why don’t you trust Krystina to be careful?”

“You don’t understand, Doc. It’s not about whether I trust her. It’s about my dreams—or rather, my nightmares,” Alexander said bitterly. “Do you remember back to about eighteen months ago, when I told you I was no longer having reoccurring nightmares about my past?”

“I do,” Dr. Tumblin replied.

My brows pushed together in thought, wondering where Alexander was going with this.

“The nightmares didn’t stop—they just changed,” Alexander explained.

“What do you mean?” Dr. Tumblin asked.

I was genuinely confused. I hadn’t woken up to my husband’s thrashing in bed in so long. If he was still suffering nightmares, I’d been completely unaware.

Alexander came to sit back down in the chair next to me. He glanced at me for a moment, then turned his attention to the computer screen. Focusing all his attention on Dr. Tumblin, his deep blue eyes seemed to plead for understanding.

“The nightmares came to me by day. They didn’t wake me from sleep—they kept me from sleep,” Alexander told him. Taking my hand, he squeezed it to let me know he was addressing me as well. “The nightmare happened every time I heard an ambulance siren or heard about the climbing death toll on the news. Any reports about the increased risks to pregnant women just about sent me over the edge. I couldn’t block out visions of Krystina in a hospital bed, on a ventilator, or worse. The images were far more terrible than any nightmare could ever hope to be. They only subsided after Krystina agreed to isolation. So, I don’t care who thinks my rules are extreme. There’s still a threat. We’ve already lost so much, and I’ll do whatever it is I have to do to keep my visions from coming to fruition.”

“Alex, much of the world feels exactly as you do. Unfortunately, you’re not alone in this,” Dr. Tumblin said with conviction.

“I can value your assurances almost as much as I appreciate the time spent on our sessions. Your words matter,” Alexander said earnestly. “You’ve helped me sort through the blackness in my soul. But this… this is different. You won’t be able to convince me to see this differently. Krystina’s well-being and safety are, and always will be, my number one priority.”

“Thank you for your honesty,” Dr. Tumblin said. “As I’ve always said, I can’t help either of you if you aren’t being truthful. I just wish you hadn’t kept this from me for so long.”

A pang of guilt pierced my heart because Alexander wasn’t the only one keeping a secret from the psychiatrist—nor was it the first time we were in this situation. Alexander’s need for privacy always took precedence, so there was a lot that Dr. Tumblin didn’t know about us. I wasn’t looking forward to the microscope that he was sure to turn on me once he found out I was pregnant and had been hiding it for months.

“Whether you knew about Krystina’s isolation or not wouldn’t have changed my decision,” Alexander added. “Especially when you consider that we are trying to get pregnant.”

“I believe this is something we are going to have to dig deeper into during our one-on-one sessions, Alex. However, since you mentioned trying to get pregnant again, I’d like to ask both of you if Alexander’s deep concern about safety has impacted any other areas of your life.”

I shifted my gaze from the computer screen to Alexander. His gaze remained impassive, and I wondered if he would get upset if I brought up my next topic of concern—the way he’d changed when we were together intimately. My usually dominant husband had noticeably altered certain activities, almost as if he thought I was a fragile little bird that could be damaged in too strong of a breeze. Our days of bondage and discipline seemed to be a thing of the past—or at least the bondage part was.

“Well,” I began hesitantly, unsure if this was the right setting for this topic. “There is one thing. It’s not a huge concern, but I think…”

When I trailed off, Alexander looked at me curiously while Dr. Tumblin continued to stare with his seemingly unending well of patience.

“Go on,” Alexander prompted.

My hands fidgeted in my lap, doubting whether I should continue. Alexander had gotten upset with me once before for mentioning his BDSM lifestyle to Dr. Tumblin, but that was years ago, and it had nothing to do with us as a couple and everything to do with Alexander’s past. Now, sex was never a topic discussed in our therapy sessions. We didn’t need to because it was the one area that never had any problems—until recently, that is.

When Alexander and I first got together, I knew very little about BDSM. He’d given me a crash course, and while we didn’t practice the more extreme aspects of it, I’d come to enjoy what we did together. He was the master of kink and could take me to heights I never thought imaginable. When we’d built this house together, Alexander had included a playroom accessible only through a secret movable bookcase in our bedroom. Complete with shackles and a plethora of other toys, we’d used the room regularly, but it had been close to a year since Alexander had last sent me there.

At first, I thought it was because I’d done something wrong. However, as the months continued to pass, I began to think there was a deeper reason for not using the playroom. I just wasn’t sure what it could be.

I looked up to meet Alexander’s piercing blue gaze. I’d already pushed my husband to the edge of a precipice by challenging my isolation. I wasn’t sure if talking about our sex life would send him over the edge. However, before I was forced to decide, an idea came to mind.

“Dr. Tumblin, would you mind if I muted us for one moment?”

“Oh. Um, sure,” he replied, sounding somewhat surprised.

It didn’t matter what his reply was. I wouldn’t have listened if he said no and was already leaning forward to mute the microphone on our video conference call.

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