Page 163 of Heart of Stone

That’s the second time I lost my cool tonight.

We walked the rest of the way to the car without speaking. Once we were seated inside, I cranked on the heat to ward off the chill. I was about to throw the car in reverse, but decided against it. I wanted to talk to first.

“Are you going to tell me who that guy was now?”

“No,” she stated, expression completely deadpan.

I pursed my lips in annoyance. I would find out regardless, but it would be less of a headache for me if she just told me herself.

“Fine. Then at least tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Me and you,” she paused to motion her hand back and forth. “And our relationship. It isn’t normal.”

“Normal is only how an individual defines it, Krystina.”

“No. It’s that we aren’t healthy for each other,” she said quietly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them again to look at me. She didn’t seem angry anymore, but resolved. My heart started to hammer inside my chest, as I knew what she was going to say next. She was going to try to end us before we really even had a chance to start.

I fucked this up.

I held my breath and waited for her to speak.

“You know my past,” she began. “You know that I’ve experienced violence of the worst kind. And although you haven’t shared your story with me, I know that you have your own demons that stem from an abusive father. Those two things combined…well, let’s just say that a psychiatrist could write a book about us.”

Her expression was cold and distant, her words sounding like she had been practicing them in front of a mirror for days. It wasn’t her talking. This bleak and flat tempered person was not my angel.

“You’re just shaken up after what happened with Sasha,” I tried to dismiss. “I can’t apologize enough for that. It’s making you talk nonsense.”

“You really believe that’s all it is?”

“Yes, I do.”

“We both have serious trust issues,” she ascertained.

“Krystina, trust isn’t going to happen overnight. It takes time,” I tried to tell her patiently.

“Hmm,” she mused. “I’m just wondering how much time would have passed before you told me that your mother is alive.”

I stilled, as if jolted by an electric shock upon hearing that she knew of my mother. The fact that she waited until this moment to share her knowledge had me on guard, and my friend Matteo’s words resounded in my head.

Secrets never stay hidden for long.

“Where did you hear that?” I asked after several moments.

“Does it really matter, Alex? Because even now, you still aren’t admitting it.”

She was right. I couldn’t tell her. And I probably never would. There was too much at stake.

“What’s your point?” I snapped, feeling my temper start to rise again. “I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish with all of this.”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No matter how hard we try, our past has shaped who we are today.”

“Dammit! You’re so hell bent on talking about the fucking past. You are you. I am me. End of story. Why do we keep doing this?”

“Because I have to!” she yelled. “Don’t you see? It’s an endless cycle. I went from one controlling guy to another. I refuse to wind up a statistic, Alex!”

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