Page 34 of Almost Always

“I remember working at the flower shop, but not this.”

“It was alongtime ago. It stuck with me and was part of the reason why I wanted to work with flowers. But not in the scientific kind of way or anything, just to admire them and share them with the world.”

She could feel his eyes on her, but she stared at the way the moonlight danced between the clouds. She’d always talked about how Nonna and Aunt Magnolia inspired her, but so rarely did she admit thatRaffertywas the real reason.

“You know what I do remember? Building pillow forts and watching scary movies.”

She laughed. “I recall a certain someone hiding behind their fingers every single time.”

“They were fucking terrifying!”

She continued to laugh, because even though he was shit-scared of the horror movies she picked, he would endure them. “I started picking movies that I knew would be scarier than the last.”

“By the time we watchedThe Shining, I knew you were fucking with me.”

Grinning, she glanced at him. “New York was the best time of my life and it had a lot to do with you.”

“It was the best time of my life too, Daze.”

She leaned back, face turned in his direction and he did the same. It would be so very easy to get lost in this man, to forget the ways she’d been protecting herself all these years. Knowing that he’d gotten tattoos for her, that his time in New York with her had been as special, made it harder to ignore the feelings burning through her. But there was so much to consider and right then was not when she needed to do that.

“Tell me about Callahan’s mother.”

“For fuck’s sake, Daisy,” he growled, a sound that she’d only heard in audiobooks, and it sent a shiver up her spine. She wondered how many times she could get him to do that again, but quickly shook it out of her head. There was no point thinking about Rafferty like that.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, wincing at the realization that she’d killed the happy mood. “We don’t have to talk about her. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay,” he replied and a heavy sigh followed. “I met her at a fire. We dated for a bit and it turned into a couple of years. Dad and Nonna didn’t particularly care for her, told me multiple times, but I ignored them. Zara was the first person I’d met since y—in a long time that made me happy.”

She heard the slip, but chose not to focus on that. That’s exactly how she felt when Clarke came into her life too—happy for the first time since she left New York.

“We weren’t trying, but a few years in, she was pregnant. We’d never talked about kids before and I wasn’t sure if we were ready. But Zara was set on having the baby, so I did my best to support her. Those nine months were both nerve-racking and exciting because we had to get our small apartment ready and take care of each other. But we did it. We made it work.”

He paused, inhaled deeply and shifted in his chair.

“Once Callahan was born, she shut down completely. The first few weeks Zara did the best she could, but I could see that she was struggling. We met with a doctor and they diagnosed her with postpartum depression.” Rafferty whistled softly before continuing. “I only knew what Dad said my mother went through after I was born, but every time I tried to help her, Zara would snap and push me away. One day she handed me divorce papers, gave up parental rights and walked out of our lives.”

She couldhearthe anguish in his voice and felt so awful for his ex as well. To feel so disconnected and unhappy from the people that loved you had to be hard.

“God, Raff, I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged, fingers flexing as he stared into the darkness past the porch. She remembered when he told her about his mother. Apparently her postpartum depression was so severethat she would leave the house without telling anyone. And even had a couple of affairs with married men in the neighborhood. That was before she was arrested for manslaughter when Rafferty was a little older. The story had scared her because it sounded so intense.

Back then, mental health struggles weren’t talked about as freely and it had clearly been difficult for her to get the help she needed. She wondered if his ex had gotten any help or if she had dealt with it alone, which was another reason to worry.

“You did really good with Callahan, though.”

“Had to, didn’t have much of a choice, did I?” he said with a hollow laugh. “Anyway, that’s me. Now it only seems fair that you tell me about the ex that didn’t like your laugh.”

Should have seen that one coming.

Huffing out a breath, she hitched up her saree and got to her feet. As she peered out into the darkness, she spoke. “I met Clarke during my MBA. Much like you and your ex, we flirted and dated for a while. Moved in together soon after graduating and everything was great. We were on the same page, we wanted the same things, life looked pretty good. Dad loved them, so when they proposed, of course I said yes. But it’s almost like getting married ruined everything. Apparently being on the same page was a figment of my imagination.”

Sliding her fingers through her hair, she tugged on the ends and sighed heavily. “We’d been together a few years by then, but you know all those cliché things people say about their partners? Working late nights, traveling a lot? Clarke did all of that and every time I brought it up, they weren’t happy. We drifted apart and I made the hard decision to file for divorce.”

She didn’t mention how when they’d been dating, she and Clarke talked about buying a big house, filling it with kids and animals. How once they were married, it was almost like thoseconversations never happened. Every time they discussed it again, Daisy felt like she was being gaslighted.

“I moved to Wildes soon after that and got my shop up and running. I always thought that I’d get what my parents didn’t have when I met Clarke. You know, falling in love with the right person, planning a future and sticking it out for the rest of our lives.” She laughed sadly and looked at the floor. “Joke’s on me, though.”

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