Page 53 of Beautifully Reckless

“Part of being a friend is looking out for each other, though,” Simon chimes in.

He didn’t grow up with us, but he’s always had a way of making me laugh. Whether it’s with one of his really bad jokes, or by taking the piss out of himself. But this serious version of Simon? It’s new to me.

“So you think making me feel like shit for making the biggest decision of my life is looking out for me?”

“No.” Simon jumps up, leaping over Garrett’s legs to reach me. “I’d never want to make you feel like shit for that, Abs.”

“Look, I’m not saying I agree with Marcus’ opinion that this is wrong,” Shaun adds, standing to give his two cents, “but it might help us support you if we can understand how you came to the decision.”

I glare at Shaun Bossier, with all his pretty-boy Spanish charm, but right now, it’s the first part of his sentence that has my rage bubbling over.

“So you think me having this baby iswrong?” I snap, eyes flicking back to Marcus, who sighs and throws a dagger in Shaun’s direction.

“I just worry that once you have it, you’ll resent it. That’s no way to raise a kid.”

He’s not wrong. It’s something I’ve thought about more times than I can count.

“I’m only gonna have this conversation once. After that, if you still have a problem with my decision, feel free to stay the hell out of my life.” I swallow hard, trying to clear the golf ball sized lump lodged in my throat.

Nowisnotthe time for tears. Now is the time to prove to them, hell, even to myself, that I am more than just a broken girl that needed rescuing. That I’m more than what was done to me.

Iamstrong. I know that now.

And they need to see it too, if they’re ever going to believe I can be a good mum to this baby.

Stepping over the bodies on the mattresses, Lexi moves to my side and takes my hand. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Abs. I’m with you, no matter what.”

Dammit. Here come the tears.

No.

NO!

Back off, you salty little buggers. You don’t belong here.

Giving my hand a squeeze, Lexi rests her head against my shoulder, while Rhys leaps up and comes to my other side, offering me a smile.

“I’ve always wanted to be an aunty.”

I can’t help but smile back.

This girl is quirky as hell, but she’s loyal and caring, and I can see why Lexi adores her.

Turning my attention back to the boys, and Dee, who doesn’t seem to be paying much attention, yet I get the feeling she’s watching every single move and taking in every single word, storing it away in her vault.

“I’ve thought a lot about what I should do. For weeks, I knew I was pregnant, well before I could confirm it. And in that time, I’ve asked myself over and over whether I should go through with it… or abort.”

Marcus slowly lowers himself back down to the mattress, his brown eyes glued to me like I’m the only person in the room.

“Not that I could’ve aborted,” I continue. “Not without asking my parents for help, and we all know how that would have gone. Especially with my mum trying to force me to marry Daniel, even after I told her what he did. I didn’t tell her about all of them, but she knew what Daniel was doing, and still, she was adamant that I marry him.”

My cheeks flush with shame, and I shuffle my feet, my flight mode testing my resilience.

What happened to me isn’t my fault, I know that. But shame lingers, carved into my bones, etched into my soul like it’s permanent.

“So yeah, I was on my own. And I knew I’d have to go through with it unless I tried to abort it myself. But you know what? I never once looked up how to do that. Not once. I never really considered it. I just knew I was going to have this baby, whether I wanted to or not.”

Lexi gives my hand a squeeze as my voice wobbles. It’s hard saying this stuff out loud. For so long, it’s been just me and my own thoughts, running loops around each other.

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