Page 50 of Bleeding Hearts

My sweet baby girl, her hair catching fire, stands in the hallway, surrounded by dancing flames.

“It’s so hot!” From behind me, Kellie’s cry of pain echoes down the hall.

I turn. Panic sets in. I’m too far from Mollie, she’s trapped in her room, surrounded by the roaring flames and choking smoke.

“Nolan, help me!” A third voice I recognize pleads. It’s hard to tell where it emerges from, but no matter, I’ll do what I can.

“Dad!”

“Daddy, I’m scared!”

Their pleas for help grow louder and more desperate, but each time I try to save them. The roar of the fire takes over. Their sweet voices, now distant whispers, drift farther and farther away, leaving only a lingering echo in my heart. The smoke, the heat, it’s all too much. I don’t know which way to go or who I can reach first.

The weight of exhaustion takes its toll on my legs, causing them to give out as I stumble. The floor gives way, and I’m free-falling, desperately trying to grab onto anything, but finding nothing.

“Daddy!”

“Nolan!”

“Dad!”

The sounds of their shouts are swallowed by the fire as I fall, each scream further away than the last. The smoke takes on a sinister brown hue. Terror chokes me, each pounding heartbeat a physical manifestation of my fear. A searing heat envelopes me as the flames dance wildly, licking at my skin, before the world erupts around me in a blinding flash.

I jolt awake.

Sweat drenches me as I shoot up in bed and suck in a clean, refreshing breath.

It was just a dream.

Rubbing a hand over my face, I reach over and tap my phone on the charger to check the time. Midnight.

Getting up, I yank off the t-shirt I put on before laying down. I thought Bethany would call me after resolving the Finn situation. While I don’t have all the facts, it sounds like he put his faith in the wrong person and is now facing the fallout. This was the angriest I’d ever seen his mother. She was usually the calm one in a crisis. I’d seen her in action a few times. She always said to sleep on it before reacting. It was good advice, but last night she’d been like a boiling kettle, her anger exploding loudly.

I can’t say that I blame her, though. I’m not so sure it’s Finn she’s so angry with. For now, he’s the unfortunate recipient of her frustration, a temporary outlet for her rage.

Stepping out of my sweats, I flip on the shower and jump in before it has time to get warm. The chilly water provides a soothing sensation to my overheated skin. The dream was so real. I’m so hot, I feel like I’m wearing full fire-retardant gear in the heart of a raging inferno; the heat is intense and stifling.

Crazy how the mind can force the body to react.

With my palms pressed against the damp, cool wall, I tilt my head back, the refreshing water cascading over me, its sound a soothing rhythm, the spray a light mist on my face. I’m not surprised by the nightmare that woke me. It’s not the first one I’ve had after a close call. In my reoccurring nightmare, the girls were always trapped. Their desperate calls for help tugged at my heartstrings. Both were always just out of reach, and I was faced with the impossible decision of choosing who to save.

I drop my head forward and let the now warmer water pelt against the base of my neck. Hoping it will calm my mind and push the images far away.

The last time I had a horrible nightmare like this was right after Stephanie died. The girls were on one side; she was on the other. In that awful dream, she chose who I rescued, leaving me no say in the matter. Urging me to take care of the girls while she stepped backward into the flames.

The frustration of not being able to reach the girls gnawed at me, and Bethany’s unexpected arrival only compounded the problem, making an already difficult decision even harder. It became too much. How could I choose?

Save one.

Never.

The only option would always be to save all three.

This isn’t working.

I flip off the water, grab the towel, and dry off. The sound of rain pinging off the window fills the room, prompting me to go for a run. One of my favorite activities is running in the rain. There’s just something about the rain that soothes my demons and clears the fog from my brain.

Our neighborhood forms a huge loop. Traffic is minimal. Night running here is not as dangerous as it is elsewhere. I doubt I see anyone out. If I wanted to, I could run in the streetand not worry about getting hit. I’ll stick to the sidewalk, though, just in case.

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