Page 50 of Ruthless Redemption

Her chin raises an inch.

“How do I make you understand the obsession you’ve created?” I chance another inch toward her.

“Please stop.” She lowers her attention to the carpet and shakes her head. “I’m tired.”

“Me too.”

Me.Fucking.Too.

Her plea only makes it worse.

“I’m tired of not being heard,” I admit. “And you’re tired of fighting me,amore mio. Tired of denying how you feel.”

She keeps her focus on the floor, her face the most beautiful inscrutable mask. “Is an admission what you need for this to be over?” she asks. “Is that what it will take? Your ego needs to hear that I still love you?”

Not my ego—my soul.

“Fine,” she whispers. “I still love you, Matthew.”

My entire body becomes motionless under the weight of her admission.

“But I despise myself for it.” She raises her gaze to mine, the misery in her eyes slaughtering my ability to breathe. “Ihatemyself. I can’t even look in the mirror without wanting to claw at my skin. And it took having sex with you, while covered in blood, to realize that I can’t hold you accountable. At least, not entirely.”

“Layla—”

“No, you were right when you said we were both at fault. I kept things from you that put you in danger,” she states simply. “And I agree that it’s part of the lifestyle we’re in. Our secrets and safety are paramount. We do what needs to be done to cover our tracks.”

My chest pounds with her sorrow. With her brutal fucking anguish.

“But the difference between our two betrayals is that I never knew your identity. I wasn’t aware until Remy told me. Yet you understood Emmanuel was my enemy, and you went right ahead with seducing me into sleeping with his son. The offspring of my daughter’s abductor. The same flesh and blood as my husband’s killer.”

I grind my teeth against the guilt.

“You knew I was in a temperamental position with my family, and still, you ruined what little integrity I had left. You didn’t stop the games. You continued to drag me into an emotional entanglement that had no future. You created a world I needed. You gave me all I ever wanted even though you had to have known our lives couldn’t coexist the way they were.”

“They can coexist—”

“Stop,” she warns. “There’s no way I can be with you while continuing to respect myselfandmy daughter. You had to have known that. So why were you so cruel in giving me all I ever needed? Why did you make me fall in love with you when it was going to cost meeverything?”

Because I’m a fucking monster.

“All I’ve ever wanted was someone to care for me the way you did.” Her face crumples.

“The way Ido,” I correct. “You’re everything—”

“My mother died when I was young, Matthew. My father pretended I didn’t exist unless he wanted something. And my husband…” She winces and looks away. “I think I’ve already told you it was practically an arranged marriage. I fell pregnant from a one-night stand, and there’s no way anyone in my family would’ve allowed Benji to live if he’d abandoned his responsibilities.”

No, she didn’t fucking tell me, and the insight is a bitch.

“But that’s what I was.” She meets my gaze again, the beautiful blue of her eyes swimming in emotion. “A responsibility. A chore. He never loved me. I’ve only ever been a hindrance. And the worst thing is that I thought you were different. You made me feel welcomed.Cherished.” Her voice breaks, the fissures splintering into me like knives. “You spun the most beautiful lies and I believed every one of them. In your presence, I was smart, and brave, and empowered. I had hope, and meaning, and hunger for a better future.”

Every word is a punishment for my lies.

Every admission a torturous truth.

“You were so incredibly good at deceiving me that I find it hard not to applaud you for it.” She laughs to herself, half-hearted and pained. “You’ve won, Matthew. I still don’t know what you set out to achieve, but I keep losing. I lost in Denver. I lost last night at the dinner table. And again this morning, when I tried to buy a Tesla and ended up sleeping with you instead. But I need to stop losing now. I can’t keep doing this.”

“I’d never diminish your suffering, but you’ve got this all wrong.”

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