“No,” he snapped. “It’s more than that.”
“More than what? You’re not making any sense.” Her voice grew with emotion.
He knew if he looked at her he’d see tears in those dark eyes. Tears that would slice straight through him. “Did you hear what your dad said? He hates me. Do you understand what that means? Our parents work together. They built a music empire that now hangs in the balance.”
“Don’t pretend my dad is the reason you’re pulling away from me. You started treating me differently the moment we were together. Why, Tyler? I get that it didn’t go to plan. But it was our first time. I didn’t expect it to be all that great.”
All that great.
All. That. Great.
Her words kept repeating. The loop continuous. Monotonous.
“But did you expect me to last longer than six seconds?” He released a derisive laugh. “Because I sure as hell did.”
Thankfully, she didn’t respond.
It wasn’t even the lack of finesse or fireworks that plagued him. It was the opposite—the presence of pain and torture. The inescapable reality of hurting her. Not just mentally, but physically.
“I can’t even look at you anymore,” he admitted. “I can barely look myself in the mirror. I hate this. I hate what we did.”
Whathedid.
“Because losing your virginity didn’t live up to your fantasies?”
The naive question burrowed into his chest. He didn’t want to clarify, but he had to. She needed to understand. “Because I knew you were hurting, and I couldn’t stop. I could see your pain, and still, I kept going. I had no control. I was mindless and completely selfish.”
“Tyler, that’s ridiculous. I never asked you to stop.”
“But I knew you needed me to. I knew, and I kept going. What kind of person does that make me?” He lifted his gaze and hated himself for it. Those beseeching eyes would stick with him forever. There was no forgetting them. No forgetting her.
“It makes you human.”
“No,” he snapped. “It makes me fucking disgusting.”
He’d never experienced such intense pleasure and immense self-loathing at the same time.
Her mouth gaped. “Don’t say that.”
He snapped his lips shut. He wouldn’t say it again, but he wouldn’t deny the truth either. He was a horrible friend, a worse boyfriend, and continued to be a worthless human being.
“I don’t know what else you want me to say, Soph. I got off on your pain. Do you really want to be with someone like that?”
She blinked, over and over, until the batting of her lashes produced tears. He breathed them in, consuming her heartache.
“I didn’t think so,” he muttered and made for the path.
He didn’t look over his shoulder, didn’t give her any hopeful words to cling to. They needed space, lots of it, and he was more than convinced she would be far better off without him.
Chapter Thirteen
“Blake, you need to relax.” Gabi sat on the edge of the bed, watching her husband pace the length of the room.
“Let’s have kids, you said… It’ll be fun, you said.” He raked his hands through his hair, his tone bitter. “They’resleeping together.Jesus Christ. What the fuck are we going to do?”
She sighed, too drained to contemplate how long he would take to mellow from this parental explosion. “Well, if we slip outside once everyone is asleep, we can find a secluded place in the woods and dig a really big hole. Then all we need to do is wait for the perfect time to strike.”
He stopped pacing and turned to face her. “Are you serious?”