Page 85 of Undeniable Temptation

A gentle tap sounded, followed by Alana’s soft voice from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” Leah reached out and flicked the lock.

Alana pushed inside, an apologetic grimace on her face. She leaned against the clear wall of the shower and cleared her throat. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No. Nothing can be done. And losing my shit at the guys doesn’t help.”

“They deserved it. Ryan needs their support, not their judgment.”

“True.” Leah stared down at her hands in her lap and wondered why she hadn’t grown smarter with age. The last few weeks had been spent in the mind of a love-struck teenager. A careless, love-struck fool.

“You should’ve told me yesterday. I could’ve stayed with you.”

“I couldn’t broadcast his private life.” She continued speaking to her hands. “And besides, it’s not like we had a three-year relationship. We were together for a few days. I’ll get over it.”

Eventually.

“You’re not going to fight for him?”

“No.” In this she was adamant. “It’s too risky. It always was. We were stupid to think this would work out differently. If Julie hadn’t been the detonator, my job would’ve been.”

“But the two of you are great together.”

“And so are fries dipped in ice cream but that shit isn’t healthy. We’ve gotta move on.”

Alana remained quiet, the silence voicing innumerable questions Leah didn’t want to answer. This wasn’t going to blow over in a day, or a week. Her feelings for Ryan were always going to hover, no matter what he decided. There was no easy out. No quick fix. Just pain and torture she needed to ignore for the sake of her career and the band.

“For once, I don’t know how to react,” she admitted. “My entire world has turned upside down. I always thought I was independent. That I was this kick-ass manager who was strong and sure and capable. I was invincible until Ryan kissed me. Then, all of a sudden, I put everything at risk with my stupid feelings—my career, my income, my friends, my future.” She sniffed, then tensed her jaw, refusing to let pity take hold. “Nobody understands that I wouldn’t merely lose my job if my breach of contract was common knowledge. I would’ve lost everything.”

“Here, take this.” Alana reached into her pocket and pulled out a perfectly pressed handkerchief.

“Thank you.” She dabbed at her nose.

“I’m still listening. Please keep going.”

Leah sighed, hating the shame accompanying what she was about to say. “I don’t have friends outside of the band, Al. Or family. There’s no high school buddies. Nobody I can rely on for an uninformed opinion. I pushed everyone away in an effort to invest all my attention into building Reckless. I don’t even have a god damn hobby.”

She clutched the handkerchief in her fingers to curb her frustration. “Reckless defines me. Without them, I’m nothing. Yet, my happiness with the band and my love for Ryan are two completely separate things. They’re mutually exclusive. I can’t have both. It’s one or the other. And Julie’s pregnancy made the choice a simple one.”

Alana shook her head. “I refuse to believe this is the end for the two of you. Not when you love each other.”

“I want him,” she admitted. “I want him so bad it makes my entire body feel bruised. But I can no longer risk myself, or the family I’ve built. I won’t risk losingme.”

“What if you could buy out the clause in your contract. Or renegotiate?”

“There’s no way my boss would agree, not when Julie implicated me in that online interview. It’ll be even worse once the pregnancy is announced and thrown in the blender along with his fake relationship with Felicity. There’s too much scandal.”

“But what if?” Alana straightened. “You never know what’s going to happen next in the music world. Any number of things could change your situation. Your boss could sell the company. He could retire and someone new might be more amiable to your needs—”

“That’s a little far-fetched.”

“I don’t care. You can’t lose everything you’ve ever wanted with him because of this.”

Leah stood and looked Alana in the eye. “What I want is for Ryan to do what’s best for Ryan. He spent years doing what was best for Julie. Then he became caught up in this Slicker scandal because it was best for the band. And now he’s contemplating what path to take for his future and I know full-well his own interests aren’t at the top of that list.”

She sighed, long and low and cathartic. “He’s thinking about me when he needs to be thinking about the right choices for him. And none of this can be determined overnight. It can’t even be determined in a week or a month. He can’t anticipate how his life will change once his palm rests against Julie’s belly and the baby kicks for the first time. He can’t predict the pride and reconnection he’ll feel when he holds his child and knows Julie created that gift.”

She gave Alana a sad smile, not caring if she understood, because her mind was made up.

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