Page 22 of Rush of Insanity

“It didn’t mean nothing.” She rested her elbows on the small table and hung her head into her hands.

“But it didn’t mean enough to stick around either,” he muttered.

“There’s no future with us.” She pinned him with a mere glimpse of the honesty in her eyes. Pinned him like an insect to a cork board.

“I don’t fit in. I don’t mesh. I’m on the outside, constantly looking in on the perfection of your life.” Her voice grew with confidence. “And that’s fine for a fling that involves great sex, but I can’t be on the sideline forever.”

“You were never on the sideline,” he growled. “I was always with you. I wanted to spend all my spare time with you.”

“Yeah. To have sex. But when it came to public appearances you wanted me out of the spotlight as soon as possible. You took me to two award ceremonies, only out of obligation, and didn’t even broach the subject of attending the after parties. And not once did you take me out for dinner with your famous friends.” She raised a check-mate brow. “Those actions are a clear statement on how you saw me.”

Fucking hell. His pride rose, burning up his chest and into his cheeks. “No, Harper. Those actions were a statement of how much I hate those events and how comfortable I was in our relationship not to feel obliged to take you. But obviously my message wasn’t clear. Maybe if you had a problem, or were eager for the media attention, you should’ve said something.”

“You know I’m not here for the media, and our problems were much more than a few parties.”

“Care to elaborate?” he seethed. She was painting him as the neglectful partner, when all along he’d wanted nothing more than to bathe her in affection.

She stood and his heart lurched at the sudden movement. He wasn’t ready for her to leave. They weren’t finished. They couldn’t be.

“You make me crazy,” her voice rose in the confined space. “I’m not a psychotic person, Judd. Not around anyone other than you.”

“I think the security guard with your teeth marks tattooed in his arm would disagree.”

“This isn’t a joke,” she huffed. “When I’m around you, I don’t fit in. I don’t even fit into my own skin. I feel like it’s a persona, like I’m playing a role to get responses from you that I’ve never looked for with other guys. I say things that I never would’ve imagined saying to anyone. And I do things…”

Pink entered her cheeks, from frustration or embarrassment he wasn’t sure but it was beautiful. So damn beautiful.

“I throw vases and swear like a trucker.” She panted for breath and her throat convulsed with a heavy swallow. “You tear this insanity from me, and it’s not normal. It’s not healthy. And it’s not me.”

She raised her chin and stared at him, stared until the silence sliced at him with lethal blows, and he had to hold himself back from slamming his lips against hers to kiss some sense into her. Couldn’t she see that it was love?

“Say something,” she whispered.

He shook his head, slow and lazy. “You don’t want to hear it. You’re already gone.”

“I guess you’re right.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out something shiny.

A necklace.

She held it up between them and the ring he’d given her last year fell to the bottom of the chain. “I didn’t pawn it.”

His heart climbed to his throat and pulsed, cutting off his air.

“I care for you, Judd. But our lives are worlds apart, and all I really want is to belong somewhere.”

Irony hit him in the sternum, cracking ribs and piercing flesh. He didn’t fit in either. He’d given up that sensation when he chose music over an easy existence at the family business back in Phoenix. He didn’t need the excessive bank balance or the perks of celebrity status. But he loved music. And he couldn’t give up the opportunity of touching a large audience with his songs.

“I can’t quit my career for you.” He wished he could. God, he wished he could. He really thought they had a chance, that she was the one.

“I would never ask you to do that. I would neverwantyou to.” She placed the ring on the table and let the chain fall into a heap around it. “Tank’s going to drive me home.”

No.He wasn’t ready, yet he couldn’t find the words to stop her leaving. Pride still clung tight to his ribs and he fought to let it go. He fought with every step she took toward the bus door.

“Harper?”

She paused half way down the stairs and looked over her shoulder.

“You may not think you fit in, but you always felt like home to me.”

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