Page 20 of Rush of Insanity

He scowled. “Not on my watch.”

She released a breath of defeated laughter. “I’m not going anywhere, Tank. You can go back to bed.”

“Want to talk about it?” He slid into the booth opposite her, shoved his elbows onto the table and sank his head in his hands.

“Nope.”

“Are you going to talk tohimabout it?”

“Nope.”

“Want me to mind my own business?”

She mimicked his pose, sinking her head into her hands. “More than anything in this world.”

“That’s my cue to go back to bed, then.” He shot her a half-hearted smirk and pushed to his feet. “You sure you’re okay?”

His palm glided over her shoulder, the comfort sinking into her chest like an anvil. She nodded and kept her gaze fixed straight ahead, on the blackness outside the bus windshield. She wasn’t okay. She was nowhere near the vicinity. And nothing could fix the gaping hole in her chest.

“I’m good.”

He squeezed her shoulder and left her to deal with her solitude. Minute by minute, she ran over the events of the night not knowing how she’d turned into the lunatic who cursed like a drunken sailor and threw vases with the intent of inflicting at least a little harm. Judd made her lose all sense of reason. He warped her reality and turned her life into a roller coaster that wouldn’t end.

Itneededto end.

She had to reclaim normalcy. At least she told herself she did. The stamina and faked confidence it took to stand by his side was out of her depth. More so when they mingled amongst his musician crowd.

“Tank?”

“Yeah,” his deep voice drifted from the bunk.

“When all is said and done in the morning, will you drive me home?”

“Is that what you really want?” His question was casual, without inflection, but they both knew he wasn’t talking about the ride.

“Yeah.” She swallowed over the pain in her throat. “It’s for the best.”

She massaged her scalp with the tips of her fingers, wishing she could push away the punishing thoughts threatening to drag her under. She did love Judd, she just didn’t love herself when she was around him.

“Kyle is bringing us breakfast in a few hours. I can borrow his rental to take you wherever you need to go.”

The exit strategy should’ve brought relief. Instead, her insides tightened and agony consumed her. She laid down on the bench seat, scrunched in the fetal position with her hands curled under her head. She couldn’t sleep next to Judd again. Sex was as clinical as you wanted it to be, and even though what they’d shared tonight was far from clinical, falling asleep in his arms was too heavy a burden for her to bear.

He’d said he loved her. And it shouldn’t have been a shock. But it was. Along with the money he’d spent on that ring. A damncommitmentring.

“Thank you.” Her words were barely audible, barely flittering over the sound of Judd’s muted snore from the back of the bus.

She closed her eyes and begged for sleep. For anything that would bring a glimpse of peace before the storm otherwise known as tomorrow.

“Harper?” Tank murmured.

“Yeah?”

“You know you’re going to kill him if you walk away again.”

Her heart fluttered, pulsed, threatened to stop its erratic beat. There was nothing she could do. She would hurt him by leaving, and if she stayed, she be forever crazed with senselessness and continuously reminded that she didn’t have a place in his world. Their lives weren’t meant to intertwine.

“It’s for the best,” she repeated and hoped to hell she was right.

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