Page 21 of Pieces of Halves

The witches said Sofia was power hungry. I wonder what she would gain by killing my father. Vampires are only loyal to their own; they would never let her rule. There are a lot of unanswered questions swirling in my mind, but it’s a puzzle I would love to help solve.

It’s strange how similar and intertwined our lives are – as if fate wanted us to meet. Fate – a funny concept. Yet, I believe the universe has intricate plans for everyone.

Watching him lean over the table, his muscles gliding and jerking on his arms and shoulders was fascinating, but my mind kept going into places it shouldn’t. The urge for his attention kept crawling to the surface, making me feel needy, so I told him I wanted to go out. I hate craving for his company, but not being worthy of so much of his time.

He was reluctant to let me walk around alone, so he gave me the ring with Tengu in it. I can’t talk with Tengu the way Jacob can, but if there is danger, Tengu will know and help me. On top of that, my hearing has been getting better. If there is a threat coming, I will know. My vampire speed is awful. Tengu said we will work on it next time we’re in the forest, but that will be another few days.

The weather is nice, and the people are friendly, but I have been out for a few hours. It’s time to head back. Maybe he is finally done investigating the route the vampire hunters took toget to my father. It happened a while ago, but Jacob says people tend to like patterns and routines.

With a pastry for him in my hand, I walk up the dark wooden stairs. Opening the door, I notice that he is still standing in the same position I left him in. My shoulders slump. The reasonable part of me understands he is not ignoring me, but the broken part thinks he is bored with me.

Stop it. He has a lot on his mind, I scold myself, place the pastry on the table next to the bed, and change into something comfortable for the night. Coming out from behind the wooden room divider, I look at him again.

He is focused, his eyes have dark circles under them, and his hair is completely disheveled. My heart aches to be close to him and ease his frustration. Hesitant to act, I blow my cheeks out.

You are being needy, the voice in my head tells me.

Unable to help myself, I take the dessert and make my way to him. I duck under his arm and position myself between the table and him. His brows go up as he moves back a little, but he keeps our distance close. My smile grows from the proximity, so I pin my lower lip with my teeth to stop it from stretching to my ears.

“I got this for you.” I grin.

He drops his gaze at the offered pastry, the piped cream glistening. I could eat another one, but I bought this one for him. His face lights up a little, and his lips move up slightly. Relieved that he is not irritated, I lift it higher to him.

His eyes meet mine with something dark and mischievous in them. He leans in, his tongue slides out, and he licks the cream. Inhaling sharply, I watch in awe.

How can a man look so delicious eating dessert? All the saints, it’s very warm in this room.

A small bit is stuck to the corner of his mouth, so I reach up and wipe it off. He inhales, his eyes roam through my body, and his pupils dilate. Because I love sweets, and I cannot resist, I lick it off my finger. A low, barely audible growl leaves his lips, and his hands slide a little closer to my hips. My heart is hammering watching him savor my body, but he is restraining himself.

I quickly realize the nightgown I am wearing is not the most modest thing, and my mind takes me to places of self-loathing.

I am using my body. He doesn’t want me, but I am half-naked in front of him, of course, he is going to react like this. Any man would. I’m behaving unfairly. Just because I crave his affection, it doesn’t mean he wants mine. It was stupid of me not to think about the clothing. Ashamed of my actions, my mind spinning, I look between us.

How stupid of me. I should’ve found something else to wear.

“Tell me, what are you thinking about?” He lifts my face to his and takes the dessert out of my hand. I bite the inside of my cheek, unsure how to avoid this conversation. If I spill my unstable emotions, he will think I am broken and a sloppy mess. “The truth, Izzy,” he whispers.

God, I love it when he calls meIzzy. It melts my heart and makes me want to be a part of him.

“I…” I start, but it is hard to say the words out loud.Honesty.“I didn’t…” I inhale. “I’m sorry for placing myself in front of you when I am practically half naked,” I blurt out and look away.

My father said the only useful thing about me was my body. Tears rim my eyes, but I try to blink them away.

“Why?” His tone sounds utterly confused, but I don’t dare look at him.

You don’t deserve affection. My mind turns and spins as I scramble to find reasoning in my thoughts.

“Because I am putting you in a situation where… you…” I don’t know how to word it properly.

“Izzy, baby.” He cups my face and looks me in the eyes. “You can wear whatever you want. Just because I want you, it doesn’t mean I get to act on it. There is more to you than just your body.” He presses a kiss on my forehead.

I want you… more than just your body…his words echo in my mind, nestling into my heart. Slumping into him, I rest my head on his chest.

“Take it slow.” He strokes my hair.

“How slow?” I groan.

I crave him – his body, mind, and heart. My problem is that I don’t understand how to deal with the insecurities and the fear of rejection.

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