Page 4 of Steamy Dreamy Hearts

“Well, thanks for suggesting she go with them. She’s been upset about her hair, even though she cut it herself.”

“Erin did?”

“Yeah. She woke up early and did it while I was sound asleep.”

“Oh, jeez.” Kamira chewed her cookie thoughtfully. “I was going to offer to help with her hair—I have a few barrettes to spare—but I didn’t want to insult her.”

“Me either. It’s why I just let it go. Normally, I’d ground her for taking the big scissors.” I sighed. “But Erin already regretted her actions, and my mom used to cut it.”

“How’s your mother doing?”

I grimaced. “She’s fighting the Parkinson’s as best she can. It’s a vicious disease. Erin is too upset to visit her.”

It had already been a tough couple of months.Erin was angry at Mom for moving from Phoenix to an assisted-living place near Flagstaff. She’d dug in her heels and refused to go visit her, so Phin had babysat while I’d gone to see Mom solo. But should I have insisted Erin come?Or not?Doubts shadowed me. Deep down in my core, the question: what would Dan have done? Had he lived and I died, would he have parented Erin better? I missed Dan, tonight and every night. He’d been my best friend, my partner, the person I trusted above all others. Would he say I was fucking it all up?

“Erin’s welcome to spend time at my place if you need a break.”

“Do I look that rough?”

Kamira patted my back in answer. “We’re doing slime or playing soccer mostly.”

“She likes both of those.”

“Great. So, relax, Captain. Chill a little, and I’ll go check in on the wild monkeys. And Erin, of course,” Kamira added with a grin. She loved to say her boys were wild animals, but she would kick anybody’s ass who dared criticize her brood, same as me. After she went to check on the kids, my attention turned to Tanner and Caleb. Although he worked for a different fire engine, I had some dealings with Tanner. He was young and brash, impulsive, and worst of all, a bad listener. You needed firefighters who took orders and listened. After Caleb transferred to our house, Tanner had asked me about following him.

I said no.

Caleb’s transfer, on the other hand, was a no-brainer. He was also young, but much more thoughtful. He was a team player and worked well with others, and he listened. Except when all his friends told him to dump Tanner. I overheard Phin talking about how he’d tried to get them to break up…not that I indulged in gossip, but I was sorry Phin was clearly unsuccessful. Despite his being in a tight hug with Tanner, Caleb looked miserable as they danced.

Caleb’s one eye was now smaller looking, hidden by patched skin. One cheek was off-center, crooked compared to the other side, where the smooth, dewy skin of the past remained. The bad side had skin that looked stretched. He was sliced down the middle. Nothing symmetrical remained on that side of his face. People gasped when they saw him, commented on the lost beauty.

“I look ugly, so they stare,” he’d told Phin. “I get it. I’m like a walking Beauty and the Beast.”

I saw survival, not ugliness. I saw the grace of his stance. The stubborn tilt of his chin. The strength of his jaw. The warmth in his wide-set brown eyes. I quietly thanked God he was healthyand strong, and the fire hadn’t stolen his arms or legs or ability to do his job. I wanted to yell that at those gawking people. They weren’t being cruel, so I bit my tongue. Caleb was such a bright light, and I wanted to tell him he still was. That I saw him and how he shined. But I was just his boss.

I inhaled, not liking the way my body so easily responded to him. The way my senses buzzed, my skin warmed. Just one second with him was all it took for this sharp ache.

Fuck, I couldn’t be thinking this way. He was with Tanner, happy or not, and I was a single dad. That was my identity from the second I left work. I sure as hell couldn’t be pining for somebody who was taken. So, why did I keep staring? This crush—or whatever the fuck I was feeling—was wildly inappropriate.

As if he sensed my gaze, Caleb glanced my way.

I was glad he wasn’t closer. Standing in the hallway with him and Erin, I’d caught the undercurrent of his aftershave, something orange and spicy smelling. It made me tense in awareness. I wanted to smell his skin again. Taste it. My gaze went to his lush mouth. All logical thought left me, and for one instant, I could picture us kissing.

Sweet Christ. I needed to focus on Caleb only as a person, one I cared about because he worked for me, and he was part of my house. Nothing more. I was just starved for affection due to a lack of a love life since Dan. That was all this was. I couldn’t possibly date. Not again, not at my age. What would that even look like?

Caleb’s eyes widened on mine. Was I giving my feelings away from across the room? I quickly schooled my features. He didn’t. Caleb looked at me in a way that nobody had in a long time. Like I hung the moon.

Caleb wasn’t coming on to me or anything—as if somebody old and dull as mud would get his attention—no, I think he just was grateful I’d taken him into the team. That must be it.

I forced my gaze elsewhere. Sometimes it hurt too much to look at people you knew would never, ever be yours.

And yet, the idea of my lips on his wasn’t leaving my stubborn brain. Shook up a little, I inhaled slowly and focused my attention elsewhere.

James caught Phin’s hand, and they danced together, their bodies swaying. It had been years since I’d had a partner to dance with. I used to love to hold somebody close, our torsos touching and my hand on the small of his back. I missed that. Dancing. And being…wanted.

Erin raced over with Kamira’s boys. She was jumping more than dancing, as if she were on a trampoline. Since Dan died, I hadn’t dated. I was busy with the firehouse, my baby girl, my mother. Dan’s death had been heartbreaking enough to simply survive. The guilt and grief kept me treading water for Erin’s sake. I’d loved Dan. Our marriage had its flaws, but I thought we’d be forever.

I moved closer to Erin, focusing on her goofy-sweet face, dancing with her.

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