Page 13 of Steamy Dreamy Hearts

“No. My dad was in sales. I imagined doing that. I liked his suits, I remember, and the smell of his cigar. But he moved us all around when I was younger, chasing this job or that. My sisters and I were so close partly ’cause of all the moving.”

“That doesn’t sound ideal.”

“It was all right.” I gave him a smile. It had been tough, but my parents hadn’t asked our opinion about it. “Me being the youngest, I was able to make everybody laugh with my silliness when things got too much. I got good at making them feel better.”

“But who made you feel better?”

“I dealt with it.” I let out an awkward laugh.

“Childhood screwed us all, right? I worry about that with Erin,” Smack admitted.

“Some childhoods more than others. But even with the bouncing around, I had a good childhood.” My jaw flexed. “I didn’t know what I wanted at first when I became an adult. I went to college and majored in physics, actually. I enjoyed the theories, but I couldn’t see myself working in the field. But then I did this volunteer work at a hospital, and I drifted into the idea of maybe becoming an EMT. Eventually, it became about firefighting for me.” I cleared my throat. “But my sisters and parents did worry for me. They all wanted me to stay in physics. “

“Do you ever regret the decision?” he asked quietly as the road ahead stretched out before us.

“Not for a moment. I love it. The job, the firehouse. All of it.”

“Same.”

Our eyes met briefly, and a shiver ran through me.

Smack wet his lower lip and then glanced away. “See, you were certain, just like me. Meant to be a firefighter.”

His firm words replayed in my head. We’d never spoken like this, yet it felt as if Smack saw right through me. I felt every syllable down to my core. And a greedy part of me longed to have him say it again, in that patient, confident way he had. That I was a firefighter, through and through. That I belonged.

“My family took some convincing, before my accident and especially after,” I admitted in a rush. “But I wouldn’t change my mind.”

“I’m not surprised,” he said, and I heard a smile in his voice.

“They came around, mostly…I understand why they worry. And I’m lucky to have two great families. My biological one and the station house one.”

I fiddled with my phone, nervous to say more, sliding small glances at him. If we were a family, Smack was the head of it. I wanted his respect. His trust.

“And your boyfriend, Tanner, does he worry?” Smack asked.

“Tanner and I broke up,” I blurted. “A month ago, actually.”

“What?” His gaze swiveled to mine. He looked thunderstruck. “But at the wedding…”

“Yeah, he showed up without asking me. He does that sort of shit when we break up. Calls me a lot or acts like the breakup never even occurred. Sometimes, I’ve gone back to it…” I said, averting my eyes from where his gaze still bored into me. “We actually split before Phin and James’ wedding. I dumped him. For good this time.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “Anyhow, he’s gone.”

“Good. You’re way too good for him,” Smack muttered under his breath.

Did he actually say those words? It might have been something else. My heart pounded like a drum. “Excuse me?” I asked carefully. “What did you say?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Just that Tanner’s not a good…firefighter.”

I cleared my throat. “And he wasn’t so great as a boyfriend either.”

“I imagine not,” Smack snorted. “Not that it’s my business.”

I shrugged.

“Sorry if I spoke out of turn. I know shit about dating these days. And I havenoplans to find out.”

Right. My heart fell a little. The closeness I felt was all one-sided. Not real.

So I shouldn’t…wanthim.

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