Page 25 of Steamy Dreamy Hearts

“It’s good to keep using all the tools in the toolbox. Especially therapy.” Smack released me from the hug. His gaze held mine, full of understanding. “I did some therapy after Dan…” He broke our locked glance, his cheeks slightly pink.

I stared at the hollow of his throat, not daring to meet his eyes. Even that was luring me in—I wanted to stroke my fingers over it.

The younger version of me would have made a move. But I had been a different person before my accident, less worried and restrained. After my on-and-off-again relationship with Tanner and his reluctance with me after the accident, I’d become a person who felt ugly more often than attractive. Less certain anybody could want me. But I missed physical touch, sexual pleasure. I wanted so badly to bury myself in Smack’s neck, touch my lips to his skin.

I already missed the hug. As if he did, too, Smack grasped onto my shoulder. I saw him gulp in some air. Was he feeling the same as me? Or was I only seeing what I wanted to see? Would reality be far different from my fantasy of what these touches all meant?

Smack stood next to me, still holding my shoulder, his hand warm. His body was bigger and welcoming as it took up all the space. He watched me with a tender smile that made me want to cry.

Smack dropped his hand and stepped back. “I should take a shower, too. I reek.”

“Oh, okay.” I looked away.

I felt like a fish who’d suddenly lost his goldfish bowl. One who just realized this was thefucking ocean.

I used to be so good at ignoring that scared little piece inside of me. Not anymore. My heart was in unprotected waters. I wanted to go for it. Kind of. But I was still afraid. Longing mixed with fear in a thousand directions.

“See you in the trailer once I’m done?”

“I’ll be there. Um, hey…”

“Yeah?” Smack’s face turned hopeful.

“Just to warn you, the soap in the shower is harsh stuff.”

“Too many chemicals. But I have to get clean, so I’ll deal.”

I waited until he was out of sight before dashing off like the coward I was.

CHAPTER

NINE

SMACK

After my shower, I stepped cautiously into the trailer. I didn’t want to startle Caleb with a sudden entrance, so I called out his name.

“Here,” he answered with a small nod. His big brown eyes met mine and then skittered away. He was toweling his hair, the strands shiny. I wanted to bury myself in his hair and inhale.

“You were right about the soap.” I kept a grip on my toiletries. I was rooted to the spot near the trailer exit, giving Caleb the majority of the space.

“Told you.” He tossed his towel into the laundry basket.

Why wasn’t he looking at me? Did he sense I’d spent half my time in the showers scrubbing at my skin, the other half trying to ease my aching cock?

“Good to get the grime off,” I added softly.

If only it were just chemistry. But I recognized the SOS my heart was giving me.

“We’ll be equally grimy tomorrow.” He pursed his lips.

Don’t kiss him. Don’t even think about it.

But it had been such a long time since I had thought about kissing anybody. I was so tired of being alone. I’d liked having a husband. Somebody who listened, who saw past insecurities, who saw me. My loneliness was like a shadow these days.

But can I risk my heart? Do I want to risk it?

I wanted to take Caleb in my arms, hold him close, make sure he was okay. That he was real and here and not gone before we’d had a chance at…whatever he’d give me. What if my world really could be less lonely? What if it could be full of possibilities?

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