Page 10 of Steamy Dreamy Hearts

“I’m the same weight,” I said. Maybe I felt my age these days, but that was from being a single parent and captain, not from my lack of carbs. “I’ll have more time to eat this whole summer when Erin is with Dan’s folks.”

“When does she go?”

“Early Sunday morning. She’s excited.”

“And you?”

I shrugged.

“Well, I’d love to have you visit me this summer. And Erin, once she’s back.”

“I’ll do that once the wildfire is contained and I have some time,” I promised.

She blew me a quick kiss and ended the call.

A long, belching sound of a flailing trombone came from the other room. It sounded like my dad when he had a bad case of gas. My father would have been the first one to make that joke; he’d had no filter. He’d also be the first one to buy a ticket to any of Erin’s future concerts. I put down the folded clothes and went back into the room where Erin was still practicing, jerking the slide back and forth in her tiny arms.

Dan would have loved every note, too. Of that, at least, I was certain. Sadness flooded me and a little of the old, familiar anger. Most of my crew only knew me as a widower; that’s how long Dan had been gone. Only Kamira had met Dan a few times, our spouses and kids mingling outside of the station house. The rest of the crew might see me as grumpy, but back when Dan died, I’d been angry, too.

“Fuck you,” I’d whispered, standing over his freshly dug grave, the rage filling every corner of my being. The unfairness blasted through me like lightning fire. Dan was gone forever. A sharp sob caught in my throat. Dan’s face. The look in his eyes after the crash. Memories I could never share with anybody about those final hours. Shame mixed with the anger.

“Time to pack it up, kiddo,” I suggested, my ears having hit their limit.

“Okay, Daddy. Do you want to play Barbie?” she asked. “You can be Ken.”

As Erin packed the trombone into its case, I breathed out a silent thank-you. My ears were still ringing. How many years until she improved? God help me. But no matter how long ittook, I wouldn’t deny her the pleasure of the trombone. Or anything.

She’d already opened the Barbie camper. All the dolls fell out. Some were missing shoes. One had no head. She picked up a Barbie in a hot pink dress and handed me a beachy-looking Ken.

We sat on the floor, playing with the dolls for the rest of the afternoon. I held it together all the way to Erin’s bedtime. After tucking her in, I went to my bedroom, opening the bottom drawer of my dresser, where I kept only a few of Dan’s old clothes. All the others I’d donated. I dropped to my knees, taking out one of his faded sweats. The guilt and loneliness felt unbearable. I held his sweats in my hands, rocking back and forth, my eyes filled with tears. Dan’s parents deserved to see Erin for the summer in Seattle, surrounded by his family. I owed it to Dan, if not to them.

I was glad to go help with the wildfire. I’d called the guys over at Cal Fire and asked if they needed more people on the Strike Team. They welcomed extra help, of course, but there were closer, more essential units also going. Nobody wanted a repeat of the awful Mendocino Fire Complex of 2018. I’d long ago learned the lesson to respect natural disasters and never assume. The sooner we all pitched in and contained the hotspots, the better. Besides, the idea of an empty house for weeks depressed me.

The only part bothering me was Caleb. I hated the ridiculous way Caleb made me feel. If I wasn’t careful…something in Caleb’s lopsided smile could burst my heart wide open.

CHAPTER

FIVE

CALEB

I threw the rest of my stuff into my bag and locked my door, then shoved my keys into my back pocket and rushed to meet him. I had an extra bounce in my step as I approached his truck with the big-ass tires. I told myself my excitement had to do with the job andnothingto do with Captain Smack. My pulse quickened as he waved.

I glanced away and studied the truck. The truck had bright-colored emergency logos emblazoned on the side and solar panels affixed to the roof. It looked ready for battle. A small travel trailer was hooked up to the long truck bed. There would no doubt be a rotation for deployment once we arrived. Cal Fire and Emergency typically ran twenty-four hours on and twenty-four hours off. You worked your twenty-four and then had a few hours of preparation to get your vehicle ready to go for the next twenty-four…but it was only dawning on me now how cramped the living quarters would be with Captain Smack and me.

As I slid into the passenger seat, throwing my duffle into the back seat, Smack’s scent filled my nostrils, mixing with the burnt bean smell of gas station coffee.

“Morning,” Smack said gruffly. He nodded at the two cups in the cup holders between us. “Got you a coffee, though not sure how you take it. There’s cream and sugar in the center console.”

“Thanks. I like it light. You?”

“Black.”

Somehow, that didn’t come as a surprise.

I picked at the edge of my Styrofoam cup, searching for something to make conversation as he pulled the truck out of my apartment complex. “You been awake long?”

Smack grunted and took a sip of coffee rather than replying.

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