Page 11 of Almost You

One thing I did know—somehow—was that the dating world sucked.

And I wasn’t chasing Christopher, even if I could follow him home and Casper his ass.

I was a ghost, okay. But I still had my dignity.

I had no clue how old I was. Based on my skin and body, early twenties, maybe? But I did know I was too old for this shit. If Christopher had ditched me, I’d forget him. Should be easy, since I’d forgotten everything else.

Sometimes I panicked that I’d never remember. Trapped in this land of nothing. But other days? The panic was that I would. What if I learned of my past and didn’t like the answers?

Slowly, some of the spirits here were beginning to engage with me.

We played cards or dominoes, went on runs, created worlds. That sort of thing. I did meet one or two who had strong pieces of their past. But they didn’t know how or why they were lucky with those memories. Most were total blanks and no longer cared.

Yeah, I understood their viewpoint. I just didn’t feel that way. Some small part of me missed what I couldn’t remember. And these ghost friends, as kind as they had become, felt wrong. It was like swimming in a chlorinated pool when you craved the ocean. They were fine, this lot of ghosts. They even explained more about how I could experience such visceral things like a heartbeat or dry throat but still be immaterial if I entered a human realm. I tried to be smart around them. Brave.

One suggested we hook up. Apparently, ghosts had sex with each other. They could pass through each other and do it phantom-style, or they could conjure more reality-based sensations. It did sound intriguing to me. Too bad the hookup ghost had a creepy-looking vibe, like somebody with too much Botox and a fake tan, which made me feel uncomfortable. Seeing him naked might traumatize me. The hookup ghost, who called himself Ronnie, asked my name. I could have chosen one then. I didn’t.

No point in being “almost” me.

Maybe it was dumb to think so much about a name. I wanted the name that belonged to me or none at all.

Was it so wrong to want a piece of myself to hang on to?

Another ghost-guy wanted to date. He was handsome and young but obsessed with telling me his one memory—of how he was murdered. Hard pass.

He left me alone, but I felt chilled. I hoped nobody had murdered me.

My point was that I had opportunities now. Yet dating still sucked. The ghosts mostly had sex out of boredom. Isensed no emotions between them. That wasn’t how I felt with Christopher.

Much to my annoyance, I still longed for him. His thick frame was so reassuring, so solid. I had to come to terms with the fact that Christopher might be gone for good.

His loss. I could have made him happy.

Meanwhile, I was working on my happiness. I made an ocean every day, swam among the sea turtles and fish. Floated on my back and gazed at rainbows I’d made in the sky. The ocean felt like home to me. So, despite Christopher saying it could be a single memory and unimportant to my identity, my gut told me otherwise. I must have been connected to the sea.

The next morning, Christopher showed. Finally. He went rigid as I floated near him.

“I’m here for my client,” he warned, crossing his beefy arms.

“Relax. Your honor is safe.” I narrowed my eyes. “And you’re going to kissmeby today’s end.”

“Arrogant brat.” He snorted and turned his head. Embarrassment stained his cheeks. And although he wasn’t looking at me, I could feel his interest. His desire to look.

Joy I hadn’t felt in ages bubbled inside of me.

I had settled into the ghost realm, and it didn’t matter. I stillwanted to kiss him. More than kiss.

He was wrong and I was right.

I liked being right, apparently.

And yet…

It would be crazy to be involved with somebody who could simply vanish to his realm, where I couldn’t follow him. At best,I might have a quick fuck before Christopher left. And I didn’t think I was the wham-bam type.

Of course, I didn’t know.

Christopher finally lifted his eyes to mine, and when I met his gaze, searing heat flared through my nonexistent body, and my ghostly heart soared.

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