Page 28 of Nerdy Dirty Valentine

“When did you get the tattoos?” James ghosted his fingers over my back. “Do they hold a special meaning?”

I snorted. “Hardly. Can barely remember that day. I was being a drunk, dumb shit, as usual.”

“Don’t.” His tone turned serious. “You’re not a dumb shit, and you fought hard for your sobriety. Phin, we’ve all done dumb things to hurt ourselves at times.”

“You don’t do dumb shit.”

“I invented Fake Harry. I lied to my family so they wouldn’t pity me. And worse, I’ve spent years unsure everywhere but in the classroom. Uncomfortable in my skin. I avoid things, even things I want desperately. Until now, I’ve been a coward about so much.”

I lifted my head off the pillow and met James’ gaze. “You’re not a coward.”

“And you’re not a dumb shit.”

“Right.” My mouth twitched. “We’re not any of those things. We’re badass. Both of us.”

“I’m a badass?”

“Totally. You don’t settle. You waited for the best.” I gestured to myself.

James laughed, and I savored the rich, joyful sound.

I wanted to say something more to James, thank him for holding me. For letting me cry. For listening.

I wanted to say how he was a good person whose company I liked and who made me happier than I’d been in forever. He was the best, not me.

I wanted to vow that I’d keep him safe, protect him in this harsh world. But how could I? I hadn’t even been able to protect myself from it.

He moved against me and kissed the ugly tattoos on my back. His body was warm on mine as James stretched out beside me.

Soon, I knew James was asleep. But I didn’t drift off with him. Usually, I would fall off after mind-blowing sex. Even after mediocre sex, ’cause the release made me tired. But not tonight.

Tonight, I stayed awake, listening to James breathe.

Never wanting to stop listening to that soft sound.

CHAPTER

TEN

The next morning, we shared breakfast. I wasn’t much of a cook, but I made us scrambled eggs and bacon on toasted bagels. I seasoned the bacon with some of my new spices while Ginsberg begged for scraps and made us laugh. And as James and I sat and ate in my newly styled kitchen, everything seemed bigger and brighter. Happier.

“Would you come with me somewhere?” I asked him as I took our dishes to the sink.

“Sure. Especially if it’s another bookstore.”

“Not exactly.” I fixed my gaze on him. “I want to go to a tattoo parlor and ask about removing mine.”

A few hours later, we pushed open the door to the tattoo shop. James leaned against the doorway, allowing me the space to check in. My appointment was to begin the removal process. As I rejoined James to wait for my turn, relief was dawning in me that I could get rid of them.

“Thanks for going here with me.”

“Sure.” He smiled. “I’m glad you asked me and not one of your other friends.”

“Caleb hates rising before noon if he doesn’t have to get up for work, and Kamira would mother me or possibly kick my assfor being so stupid in the first place. Getting tattoos I never wanted.”

“It must be nice to have such good friends at work.”

“Did you skip right over the kick my ass part? Kamira could do it, too. Even if I’m twice her height.”

---