Page 6 of Nerdy Dirty Valentine

We had cleared the air, but James wasn’t interested in me or my friendship. And that was fine. I didn’t need complications or these odd feelings emerging from someplace deep inside me.

CHAPTER

THREE

Caleb’s chili was burnt as fuck. Even so, I was happy to be at the fire station for a meal. I hadn’t eaten anything since my eggs this morning at the diner. The run-in with James had kept my stomach queasy all day. But now, with the scent from the large stock pot wafting through the air, I was starving.

“Are there black beans in here?” Kamira asked, stirring her bowl of chili with a suspicious fork. “I like only meat in my chili.”

“Beans are good fiber,” Caleb replied with a sunny smile. That was Caleb, sweet as sunshine, despite the terrible scars that lined half his pretty face. He rarely mentioned his transfer to us after the fire gone wrong at his original assignment. I’d heard it was a major clusterfuck of mistakes on his captain’s part.

“And it’s clumpy.” Kamira tucked her short braids behind her ears. She squinted her eyes at the chili as if it might attack her.

“Maybe we could add some tortilla chips?” I suggested.

“You’re welcome to cook next time.” Caleb laughed at Kamira. “But we all had that soggy stuff you called spaghetti.”

“Just eat the damn chili,” Smack ordered us all. Whatever else a person would say about him, Smack wouldn’t be one to lead his team into a clusterfuck.

Caleb had transferred for that very reason. He and I were the youngest and newest part of the team. Despite his horrible burns and all the shit he’d been through, Caleb was also all sparkle and sunshine. Around him, the rest of us mortals could only hope some of his shine rubbed off on us.

“Our worst problem should be chili and not fatalities on the road tonight. People still acting like the holidays aren’t over.” Smack gave us all a grumpy look, which made the small crow’s feet at his eyes even more pronounced. Captain Smack was older than the rest of us at the firehouse. It wasn’t his eye crinkles or bald head that screamed Christopher Meloni vibes, which we all made naked Peloton jokes about behind his back. No, he seemed older ’cause he had his act together despite his hardships. I was trying to be like that. Responsible and shit.

“Do you like the chili?” Caleb asked him.

“It’s passable.” Smack ate a big spoonful.

Caleb beamed at him as if he’d said it was Michelin-star delicious.

Smack grunted but then ate another spoonful. We all knew he had a soft spot for Caleb. He might be the youngest one of us, but he had heroically rescued his fellow firefighters, costing him weeks in the hospital. It also cost him his boyfriend, Tanner, who worked at the other firehouse.

“You guys have a good Christmas and New Year?” Caleb asked. He’d been off longer than me or Kamira. “My sister made mine fun.”

“Our holiday was good, not relaxing, but chasing kids around never is. I was glad to be working most of it.” Kamira turned to me and Smack. “Right, Cap? How ’bout you?”

“Erin’s fine. And we went to Glamour,” Smack said.

“Where’s that?” Caleb asked.

“Not far. Glamour’s a small town, but it’s great to visit. My buddy Dean and I were in the military together, so I caught upwith him and his family. We came back last week.” He nodded at me. “This one watched Erin for me last night. Erin told me that he did his own version of the New Year’s countdown with her at seven thirty, right before he put her to bed, so she wouldn’t miss it.”

Just then, the alarm sounded, so we put the chili aside and hurried to change. We all knew to move fast. Lives could be at stake. Also, as far as Smack was concerned, if his firefighters didn’t haul ass at an alarm, then they had no business being on his crew.

Sometimes, I felt like an imposter, sitting with the other firefighters. It was only a few years ago that I was lost in a drunken haze. Barely functioning. I put on my gear, feeling like a fraud. Every day, I had to live with the knowledge that I could ruin everything with one slip. Sober for years didn’t mean shit.

Each day was like the first. I had to try not to bang my head against the wall over what I couldn’t change, and I had to believe that I was worthy and deserved to be part of this group.

The sunset was already gone when we headed out. I usually enjoyed the desert sunsets with those vibrant splashes of color, but the darkness fit my current mood.

We pulled up to an open field. Orange flames were barely licking the blades of grass, and a group of teens huddled guiltily around empty boxes of fireworks. We sprang into action and put the flames out fast. The smoke had no chance to settle in the air.

None of these teens followed common sense tonight, but luckily, only one of them needed the hospital. Despite Phoenix being well-developed downtown, there was a decent number of open areas in our suburb of Mesa. Too much space got teens into trouble.

So did too much freedom. That was what I had back then, too, no structure or rules.

“I’ll talk to them.” Captain Smack strode off to tear the poor teens a new asshole. But they needed it. Just being honest, because if I had a man like him in my life as a teenager, I might have been less of a screw-up.

Back at the firehouse, we cleaned off the grime of the night. Kamira went to call her husband and kids, despite her griping about the “future little criminals,” and Smack went to his quarters. It was only me and Caleb at the kitchen, having ice cream instead of attempting to finish the chili at this hour.

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