Page 186 of Jaded
When the Day River Dingoes get out on that ice, we own it. We weave through the defense like we control their actions as much as our own—which is kind of true, when you think about it. Our shots slam the back of the net, over and over and over.
We rack up points on the scoreboard, game after game after game. We win. And win and win and win. The crowd starts calling Avery and meVay and Jay. It’s darn cute.
The rankings show the downtrodden Dingoes slowly moving up and up and up in the standings. The crowd continues to pile into the stands to root for us—for Avery, their hometown hero. For me, the out-of-towner who decided to stay.
The announcers, social media, news . . . everybody’s speculating whether the Dingoes are gonna take it all the way this year.
And for the first time, I think we just might.
Avery’s actually staying out of trouble—on and off the ice. He’s eighteen, but one of the conditions of his recruitment to the team was finishing high school and continuing on with classes at the community college.
Nat's around a lot more, without the repo job sending him on long drives. So he makes sure Avery doesn’t skip. Gets his homework done. Passes his classes. I think Syd probably has a hand in that too. The fact that she nabbed herself an internship with the Dingoes’ marketing team, handling all their social media, definitely helps.
And me? I’m skating good, feeling good—on and off the ice. So good, in fact, that I’m almost not surprised when my agent calls with the first NHL offer.
“How would you like to play for the Carolina Hurricanes?” Alfred asks, and I swear my heart stops beating.
Sitting next to me on his couch, Nat goes utterly still, every muscle in his body taut as a drawn bowstring. I wonder if he’s even breathing, as he awaits my response.
“You’ve no idea how long I’ve waited to hear those words,” I murmur. My head’s buzzing with some weird static that’s making me wonder if I actually heard him right. This can’t be real, can it?
Nat reaches over, squeezes my knee. His eyes lift to mine, questioning my silence, my hesitation. And in his gaze, I read the truth.
This is real.
This is my dream. The one thing I’ve ever truly wanted. Finally mine.
I stare into those questioning green eyes. Let my gaze slip past, to the black-haired girl and the blond-haired boy at the kitchen counter behind. Both bowed over their homework.
And I ask myself the question that’s been brewing in the back of my mind since I arrived in Day River:What do I really want?
Sometimes, the things we think we want and the things weneed, truly and deeply and fully, are not the same. And as much as we mightwantsomething, might dream of it and crave it and tell ourselves it’ll bring us happiness, sometimes the truth is much different than desire.
Sometimes, we need to look inside ourselves to find that answer.
And sometimes, we need to look around us, at the people who love us and support us, the places that mold us, the situations that challenge and strengthen us.
My gaze slides back to Nat, like a magnet’s pulling me in.
“Sorry Alfred,” I say, and the words are a weight lifted off my chest. “I think I’m right where I need to be. At least for now.”
And that is the truth.
It’s not just the games, the Dingoes on that ice. It’s those brief spaces between games when we gather at Holls’s place to definitely not smoke or Ever’s place to endure another wild party—and this time people want me there. Know me. Cheer when I walk in.
And of course, it’s Nat.
Catching my eye across the room. Sliding up next to me so I feel the heat and warmth of his body. Brushing his fingers against mine. Tilting his head and leading me back out into the cold so we can enjoy some private time outside the party.
It’s frosty mornings out in the woods, our boots tromping through snow. It’s the first time I take him snowshoeing—my God, that was way easier—or when he cooks breakfast, not as payment for a morning BJ, or we snuggle onto my couch in front of the TV. It’s dinners with Brenda, it’s looking over my shoulder while we’re watching TV to make sure Syd and Avery are actually doing homework.
It’s us.
Me and him.
Boyfriends.
And for once, I’m happy with things just the way they are. Not pushing to make things more or different or better. For once, I'm completely content with what I already have.
