Page 100 of Making a Killing

‘Nice day for it,’ says CSI Markey as she pulls on her boots. ‘And this gaff is a cut above too.’

Bell nods. The place reeks of money. Not that money is any sort of buffer against murder. Like in that Larkin poem they did at school, that happens anywhere. Somewhere, maybe a field away, he can hear a dog barking.

Markey zips up her suit and drags her case out of the passenger seat. ‘Good to go?’

‘Good to go.’

***

MY SHADOW JOURNAL

The power of visualisation

As you work towards integration with your Shadow, you will experience profound changes in your life. Healthier relationships, fewer anxieties, more positive energy. And as you continue this journey you can channel that positive energy into ‘manifesting’ your ideal life.

Manifestation is a powerful practice based on what is known as the Law of Attraction. In other words, the more you focus on something, the more it will be drawn towards you.If you focus on destructive thoughts and emotions, that will become a vicious circle of negativity. But if you focus on positive things, the reverse will happen.

‘I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become’

Carl Jung

Manifestation is a technique for visualising your desires and ambitions and making them a reality, first in your mind, and then in your life. But you can only do this effectively as a whole and integrated Self, because repressed traumas, limiting beliefs and unresolved conflicts will block your ability to manifest successfully.

Today’s exercise

Envision your perfect life. What would it look like, feel like? Where would you live, what would you do? What stands in the way of you achieving it?

So it’s called Manifestation, is it? Who knew. Well, I’m a fucking Marvel-level Manifester if that’s the case, because I’ve been visualising my perfect life for as long as I can remember.

Ever since I realised that everything K told me was a lie. That it was never going to get any better, that that shitty little house was all there was. I’ve lost count of the number of times we argued about it. She’d come out with all that crap ‘my grandmother used to say’ likeIf wishes were horses beggars could ride.Jesus I can’t wait to be rid of that horse-shit. And now she’s started saying if I want a whole new life, I just have to be patient – that in no time at all I’ll be going to university, getting a job. Which sounds OK until you realise that what she means is university inBelfast, a job inBelfast.Because with our past we just can’t afford anything else – in any sense of the word. Doesn’t she get it? I’m suffocatingin this fucking shithole. It’s like being buried alive. And if I tell her that’s not what I want she just whines on and on saying ‘I’ve had more than I can take with you and your fecklessplans’and doing that fucking finger-hooking thing that drives me up the wall. ‘When I think what happened last time – it was all I could do to keep the police out of it – some “new life” that would have been, with the both of us in prison. And as for poor Ann Deegan –’

FFS that old bag. Anyone that stupid deserves all they get. Not that I ever say that. One thing I do know with K is when to stop digging. Well, usually.

So, back to the question. What does my perfect life look like? The fucking American dream, that’s what it looks like. New York, maybe, or somewhere like Chicago. Somewhere with some energy where you can start over and no one cares who you used to be. Because no way I’m going to be fucking Sabrina any more. Or Daisy, for that matter. No, when I say a new life, I mean anewlife. Like that Carl Jung quote up there – ‘I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become’. And I choose to become Someone Else.

Trouble is, that’s going to take money. Lots of money. That’s the one thing standing in my way. Only one, but a pretty bloody big one.

But deffo not insurmountable. In fact, I have the beginnings of an idea. OK, maybe not strictly speaking a legit idea.

But hey, I’ve never come across a rule I didn’t enjoy breaking.

***

Phone interview with Mackenzie Stirling

29/07/2024, 9.17 a.m.

On the call, DS T. Bradley

MS:Is that DS Bradley? I’m sorry, I didn’t know whether to call you or the other guy.

TB:Don’t worry, calling me is fine. But we do need you to come in this morning to make a statement.

MS:It’s just – you know – it’s just all kinda overwhelming at the moment. My parents are freaking out, and now we have to figure out getting the body to the US and they won’t even tell us when they’ll let us have her back – and now those CSI people are here and we’ve had to move out because Robin could have diedin our house–

TB:I’m sorry, I know how hard this must be –

MS:You don’t, you say you do but you really really don’t –

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