I don’t know what she means by that, but I don’t interrupt her. It’s better if I just let her say what she came to say and get it over with.
“I’m still in love with you,” she says. “I never stopped loving you. And I was jealous of Ellie, but now you see I had a reason to be. But, the point is, I want you back. Maybe, I don’t know…” A look of sheer hope fills her face. “Maybe you could move with me? We could start over.”
Wow. Just wow. I don’t know what my face is doing right now, but she’s looking at me like she’s expecting an answer. Okay, so this isn’t just some type of hypothetical fantasy she’s talking about. She’s genuinely asking me to do this.
I run my hand over the back of my neck, thinking and wondering how best to respond to this. Because at the end of the day, Lindy is just a girl with a heart full of emotions. And I believe in handling with care.
“Lindy,” I say, stepping close enough to her to clasp a hand on either shoulder. “Lindy, you’re a good person. You’re kind and sweet and what we had, it was real. I don’t even count the end or your behavior after because I know it came from a place of pain.”
I pause, letting that really sink in because she needs to know that. She needs to understand I don’t hold it against her.
“But we can never be us again,” I say. “Even if Ellie wasn’t in the picture, we just can’t. True love should hold strong in times of struggle and we crumbled, Lindy. We crumbled.”
“But—”
I don’t let her finish, because nothing she can say will change this. “I can’t, Lindy. And deep down, I don’t think you want what you’re saying either.”
She’s quiet for a moment, staring blankly at me, and I can only sit here and hope she really hears what I’m saying.
“Do you love her?” Her eyes dart from my face to somewhere off in the distance and back to my face again.
And though I knew this question would eventually come up, given how long we’ve been friends, I don’t think I knew how I was going to answer until right now.
“I think I always have.” I’m not going to bother with an explanation, and she doesn’t want to hear the complexities of what exactly I mean when I say that. Or how much unpacking that statement warrants. For Lindy, this answer is enough.
She nods, I think knowing deep inside she already knew the answer. Maybe she needed confirmation, to hear it from the source. Maybe it makes her feel less crazy for being jealous or puts her mind at ease in a way.
She clutches my forearm, a silent gesture that speaks a lot. We both know I didn’t mean for this to happen, and it wasn’t as if all my relationships were fake because of this truth. Hell, I didn’t even know it was the truth until a few seconds ago. But I think we also both know it makes sense.
I hug her tightly one last time, wishing her all the best with her move and new life she’s embarking on. And I truly mean it.
TWENTY-TWO
ELLIE
Every second that goes by as I sit here alone at our table feels like a lifetime. I don’t know what Lindy needed to talk about, but she looked upset and serious. There was no way I was going to further escalate the situation by immediately jumping into myI hate that bitchmode.
I exhale when I see Theo coming toward me, finally. I don’t think I’ve taken a full deep breath since I sat down.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he says, sitting down across from me.
Our table is tucked back in a corner away from the main traffic. A small candle at its center is almost the only source of light. Despite this, the sight of him still makes my belly flutter.
“It’s okay,” I say. And for once, where Lindy is concerned, I genuinely mean it.
“I’m sure you want to know what that was all about,” he says.
And I do. I definitely do. But I’m not one to pry or push. “Only if you want to tell me. Don’t feel obligated.”
The waiter interrupts us to take our drink order, as I’d previously asked to hold off until Theo came in. Although, I definitely considered downing a glass of wine while waiting.
“I won’t go into too much detail,” he says, “only because it’s unnecessary. But basically, she told me she still wanted to be with me.”
There’s a sudden ringing in my ears, like a bomb just went off. My face must be doing something weird, because Theo grabs my hand across the table and gives it a squeeze. That’s helpful considering I felt like I might have a coronary for a split second.
“Obviously, that ship has sailed,” he says.
“Are you sure?” I ask. “I mean you guys were together for a while. I don’t want to get in the way or—”