I tilted my head in agreement. I’d only passed through South Gate minutes ago, barely entered The General Living Quarters. Sure, Moe had raced back to her rooms, but how on earth had she already heard? Jessa worked in the Public Library as a historian; it was possible she’d seen Moe and assumed I was here too.
Jessa cleared her throat. “Word travels fast these days. You know, end of the world and all.” She shrugged.
I nodded, not sure what else to say. It wasn’t that I was not happy to see her, I just needed a moment to sit with my emotions.
“Can I talk to you?” she asked. “We have a lot to catch up on.”
Riley watched me, waiting to see what I wanted to do.
“Alone,” Jessa added, noting he had no intention of walking away.
I scratched the side of my neck, toggling over if I was ready to talk to anyone other than my family. One look at her said if I declined, she’d just be back later, so I figured I might as well get it out of the way.
My tongue trailed over my teeth. “Sure,” I ground out.
Jessa scowled at me, a questioning glimmer in her eyes as she tried to figure out where the animosity was coming from. At first glance she seemed excited to see me, and if I were the naive girl from before, I’d believe that. I knew Jessa, though; there was always more than what she let sit on the surface. Even still, her choice of words had me wondering what was left to discuss.
While she had been clingy before I left, pretty much glued to my hip, she’d rejected my question on putting a name to our relationship. It had hurt, the concept wasn’t something we’d ever discussed. When she’d snuck out of my bed after the night at the tavern before my departure, I’d figured that was that. Maybe I’d misread our connection. A monogamous relationship had never been my thing, but with Jessa, I’d wondered if maybe it should have been.
“Stop by Amaia’s when you’re done,” Riley said, giving her the death glare that saiddon’t fuck with my family.
I wasn’t sure when he’d become brotherly to anyone aside from Amaia but given the absence of my blood brother, it was a welcome feeling. She smiled at me, offering her arm to walk the opposite direction Riley was heading.
“How are you?” she asked timidly.
I cackled,what kind of question was that?“Haven’t you heard? I’m evil. How are you?”
Jessa cast a sidelong glance. “That’s not what I meant.” Her tone softened to a hush.
“I know.”
She walked at my side, fingers clenching, fighting the urge to brush against my hand. I could feel her tumbling to find the right words. We’d never had so much as a serious conversation. They were usually kept light, as was my mood. All but once. That was before, and this was now. I was not the same person she’d left.
“Reina, no one thinks you’re evil. We all know you’re nothing likethem,” she said, leaving my brother and fathers name from the conversation. I couldn’t tell if it was intentional or not, but I appreciated the gesture. “Your loyalty runs deep. Some of us could stand to be more like you. I can’t imagine what you went through out there, but I’d love to hear about it.”
“What do you want, Jessa?” It came out harsher than I’d intended. I was exhausted, being tactful just wasn’t in the cards for me anytime soon.
“To talk?” I could sense her confusion and a tinge of guilt. It was overwhelming. “Didn’t you miss me?” Jessa braced herself, waiting for my rejection.
“Miss you.” A dark laugh escaped me. “Yeah, I missed the heck out of you, didn’t expect to come back with you feeling the same.”
She nodded in understanding, slowing her pace as we approached a bottom floor apartment. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you now. I’m sorry about Prescott. I know he was close with your family.” There was real remorse in her eyes.
I said nothing, keeping my focus on fighting off the tears that desperately tried to work their way out. If I started, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop. Holding in all my grief was the only gift I could offer the people of The Compound. They didn’t deserve to be consumers by the grief that I released; it was on me, all of this was on me. The least I could do for them was keep it to myself.
Jessa fumbled with the lock of the apartment. I’d never been to her place before—one of her many ways of keeping her distance while continuing to get close. I followed her inside. It was decorated with the bare minimum, and if she hadn’t opened the door with a key, I would have believed it was unlived in. I don’t think she’d added an ounce of decoration since she’d been here. Every inch of her space resembled what we offered people when they first moved in.
Prompting me to take a seat at a table in the corner, she continued. “Look, I don’t know how to ease into this, so I’m just going to say it. I … I played both sides for a while. I’m not proud of it and it’s not who I am now, not who I want to be. Because when I’m with you, I don’t want to be that person anymore. You have a good heart, Reina, and I want to be good with you. Together.”
“You brought me here to ramble on about which letter makes your heart sing on the LGBTQ scale? Jessa, I don’t have time for this nonsense, and I sure as heck don’t have time to hear about your recent hookups.” My butt had barely touched the seat before I made my way to the door.
“No, Reina …” Jessa’s voice trailed off. She closed her eyes for a few heartbeats. “I’m trying to tell you that I regret leaving things the way that I did, but I’m here for you, if you want me to be. I don’t ever wanna leave things unsaid again.”
I laughed. “You have no idea who I am anymore, and I doubt you’d want to claim me if you did.”
“I don’t care who you think you are now, I know what’s in here.” She strode toward me, hand resting on my heart. “That’s all that matters to me. Isn’t that all that matters with love?”
My pulse picked up, for the first time in a long time, something more than sadness creeped in. Guilt quickly swept over me on what I’d done to seal the deal with Great Falls.