Page 25 of Echoes of War

“I don’t have to if I don’t want to. Like you said, you don’t bite.” I closed the door in his face, knowing he’d be right behind me and I’d already pissed him off.

We moved through the city in silence, the cold air warmer now that the snowstorm had passed and the sun fought to make an appearance. It was still early, but soldiers were now headed to change shifts and some of the dam workers and kitchen staff made their way to their stations.

I hated being here, not only did the air lack warmth but so did the people. A smile was a rare sight in these parts, even the children walked around miserable. I guess with as much death as theyfaced, it was hard to blame them. Still, it made me miss Monterey Compound all the more.

Maybe, if we were lucky and things played out in our favor, Duluth could be made in the image of Monterey too, as with other parts of The Expanse. They didn’t have to live this way forever, not if they didn’t want to. And it was hard to imagine that anyonewantedto.

“Where are we going?” Alexiares’ voice interrupted my thoughts, causing me to break my stride. He’d realized we were heading outside the gates, something that had recently become a big no-no.

“I already told you,” I stated matter-of-factly, “to train.”

“Yep, understand that. I also understand that going outside the gates right now is a death wish.” And he was right, it sort of was. But that had never stopped me in the past, and I didn’t plan on letting it stop me now.

Call me crazy, but a dance with danger made for a stronger soldier. It was why I had my own soldiers train outside the walls; you could not defend against a force you had no idea how to combat. Certain things could only be taught in real-life scenarios.

“Alexiares, wearethe death wish now.” An evil grin found its way across my face, one glance in his direction showed a returning smile of agreement.

The hardening snow on the ground slowed us down, though we were in no true rush. Even Sloan understood the importance of having a day off. There was nothing waiting for us back inside the settlement. Two miles and an hour later we made it to the other side of Lake Superior. Duluth’s city walls sat off in the distance, the steam rising above in the gray sky. Peeks of blue shone through the clouds. To my displeasure they added no additional warmth. I willed my flames to bring some heat back into my body but was careful not to expel too much.I’m getting sick of this cold shit.

This was the perfect place to train—the lake on one side, earthy terrain on the other and not a soul in sight. He glanced around, scoping out the scene before turning to face me for further instruction.Good little soldier.

“I can’t train my soldiers to master this if I can’t train you,” I explained my impromptu training session.

He shrugged, not seeing the point in focusing on this at the moment. “You can’t train anybody without knowing what the hell we’re even capable of.”

“Forget what we’re capable of,” I said, hoping he’d see where I was coming from. “We have to start with the basics. Once you can control your normal magic, then we can tackle the other stuff.”

Other stuff, as if it were not the big advancement that it was. It was a game changer, yes, but as he’d told me during our journey here, power is nothing without structure. Without self-control. He nodded in agreement, handing me his rings to place inside my bag and moved a few feet away, ready to get to work.

Hours passed by and he was no closer to mastering his gifts. Sure he was a shit-ton better than the man I’d started training weeks ago, but he was still only scratching the surface of his control. Alexiares was capable, that much I knew, I’d seen it before. I only needed to figure out how to bring it out of him.

He slammed his hat onto the ground in frustration, his grown-out hair tousled. Beads of sweat flew from his dark brown strands as Alexiares shook his hair out, running his tattooed fingers through them to push it back. I sighed, taking a seat against one of the trees behind him.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, plopping down on the ground right next to me. A tadtooclose for me to focus.

“You are full of questions today, aren’t you?”

“Sure,” he retorted, always quick in this game of banter he so enjoyed. “And you’re full of evasiveness,as usual.”

“Pot, kettle. Sorry, I was just trying to avoid coming off as lacking a conscience. I figured the less I say to you, the better.” I took a sip from my water, closing the canteen before tossing it into his lap.

He picked the bottle up, unscrewing the lid and glancing up to meet my harsh glare. “Amaia.”

“Don’t.”

“Fine, I won’t,” he agreed reluctantly. “But you should know, that’s not what I meant.”

I shrugged, my hands waving him off dismissively. “That doesn’t sound like an apology to me.”

“Well, you told me not to.” He studied my face, trying to judge where I was emotionally. “I am though. Sorry, that is. I didn’t mean it that way.”

We sat there for a moment, searching each other’s eyes. There was kindness behind his gaze merged with regret. It took me a second to remember that the man who had meant to hurt me every time we talked had disappeared over a month ago. The Alexiares before me cared, was genuine and intentional with his words. Even when he wasn’t able to get them quite right, he still tried. Was learning to be decent, to be good.

I shook the moment away, I wasn’t quite sure why I still kept him at a distance. He had made it clear where he stood, and I had, in my own way, done the same. That didn’t negate the fact that everyone I cared deeply about lived on borrowed time. I didn’t want that fate for him.

Alexiares deserved to experience happiness in this life. He had never known it except for fleeting moments. I’d had my time, twenty-two years of love and joy in The Before. He had not. But he did deserve it in The After. So I would keep him at arm’s length until his infatuation with me dissolved.

“Then humor me,” I said, breaking the tension between us, “how could one mean those words to come across?”

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