“I slept with someone,” I blurted out.
Jessa winced, clearly not expecting it. Pain rocked through her, but quickly absolved. “Do you … like her?” she stammered.
I pursed my lips, not sure what she wanted to hear, but decided that honesty was probably the best policy here if we were going to be starting fresh. “It was to secure an alliance that we needed; it didn’t mean anything to me. She’s good people, and I did something for her that will always leave us connected, but no. I don’t like her, not in the way I like you.”
“I wasn’t exactly loyal to you either, when I tried to forget you. When I thought you’d hurt me.”
My tendency to move from hookup to hook up wasn’t exactly a secret in The Compound, but I’d been clear with Jessa when I’d asked her what she wanted this to be. “Why would you think I’d hurt you?”
“Because I wasn’t sure you’d come back to me alive,” she said, her frost-kissed eyes darting toward the side.
I stepped closer to her, pulling her in by the waist. “And what about you, Jessa … do you like her?”
“He’s not you,” she admitted, a sly grin pulling at her perfect lips. “I couldn’t like him if I tried. He was a means to an end. A face from the past. I thought about you every single day; you’re impossible to forget.”
“Are you gonna make me ask again or can I just assume to know the answer?” I teased, bringing my lips gently against hers.
“Reina, nothing would please me more than trying this whole monogamy thing out with you. Your burdens are my burdens. If they fuck with you, they fuck with me. You deserve some happiness in this world that tries so hard to steal your joy.”
Guilt still simmered off her, intensifying as she folded into the embrace. I pulled back, eyes narrowing as she caught my drift. Her shoulders slumped, taking a step back to face me, still avoiding my gaze.
“There’s … there’s something else,” Jessa stuttered.
She never stuttered. Was never nervous about anything since the day I’d met her, yet here she was, a whirlwind of emotions tugging forcefully against my magic.
“Yeah.” It wasn’t a question, more of a not-so-subtle accusation. “I bet.”
“I wasn’t exactly honest with you about the loyalty thing.”
“For the love of all things good and holy, Jessa, stop messing with my emotions and spit it out,” I prodded, my impatience growing by the minute.
“Your father sent me here to spy on both you and Seth.” She glanced up at me, gauging my reaction. “I was supposed to make sure things were moving according to plan.”
“What—Don’t you think you should have led with that? Who cares who you slept with!”
Betraying my trust should be an Olympic sport. People were doing it enough, might as well toss in a gold medal.I wonder if they still have the Olympics on the other side of the pond? Nah, that would be nonsense.
“Heis your father Reina, I never slept with anyone. Please listen to me. I never went through with it! Never did what he asked of me,” she exclaimed, grabbing onto my wrists to stop me from backing away toward the door. “The moment I met you, Reina, I couldn’t betray you. It didn’t feel right.”
“My father doesn’t have women in his military,” I ground out, pacing around the living room not wanting to believe her.
“Spies aren’t the military, Reina,” Jessa explained, “and his political viewpoints are exactly why I was the best bet.”
“How could you work for him?”
“I didn’t have a choice! You don’t say no to Ronan Moore.” Jessa grabbed at me, but I shook her off, not caring much to hear her answer. “I was already living there when the borders shut down. Things weren’t so bad until he took control. Itwas do this or be sent to the outskirts of the territory with the outsiders.No onewants to get sent there, Reina, it’s a death sentence that happens slowly. He has ways of making sure his orders are followed; his spies, they’re everywhere. EvenIdon’t know the extent of his network; he’s been working toward this for over a year. Walking away and creating a new life is a risk many are scared to take. But I don’t care anymore. You. This place. It’s worth this risk.”
I wasn’t sure what anOutsiderwas or what the outskirts of the territory consisted of, but the fear coming from her told me enough. She’d had no choice, much like the rest of us in The After. Memories flashed before me of all the choices I’d made lately—some of them hadn’t been as much of a choice as others may believe.
“Was it before or after Jax’s death that you decided to stop working for him?” I asked, deciding that was the real damning factor in all of this.
If she had hurt him, had set out to hurt my sister, I would never forgive her. She wouldn’t have to worry about Riley’s rage—she would have to face my own.
Jessa shook her head. “It wasn’t until your brother failed in that mission, when it was discovered Amaia walked away unscathed, that I was sent. Your brother didn’t even know I was here. You don’t understand how it is out there. You people have it good … it’s part of why I risked my life to turn against him. He’ll send someone for me, I have no doubt. Probably already has. You don’t betray Ronan Moore and keep your life, especially when you know too much.”
“He won’t lay a hand on you, I assure you. Amaia and Riley on the other hand …”
Every part of me said I should tell Riley. I didn’t want to start my first moments back keeping secrets again, but would he make her leave?Would I be putting her life at risk even more by letting her stay and risking my father’s wrath, or would Riley exiling her be a blessing in disguise?