Page 87 of The Candlemaker

I hated the disappointment in his voice. Gritting my teeth together, I argued, “Mom is the one who told me not to be too vulnerable. She wouldn’t want me to go back.”

The morning I’d left, my only thought was Mom. For days—weeks, she was my only concern. And by the time I could even string two rational thoughts together about Frankie and how I’d disappeared…Mom’s warning overshadowed everything, and I decided it was better this way. We—whatever we were—had been hours from expiring anyway.

It was an asshole move to disappear with no explanation.Better to be an asshole than a fool.

Tom looked at me, agape. “She wasn’t talking about your father,” he said brokenly. “She was talking about me.”

My brow creased. “I don’t understand.”

“All these years, she thought she was showing you strength, taking care of you, supporting you as a single mom,” he began, his jaw tightening. “She didn’t want you to think she was vulnerable by being alone…or by needing someone.”

I felt the tension soften in my muscles. “By needing you.”

He nodded slowly. “That was our agreement. We could be together as long as no one else knew. Especially you.”

“You agreed to be her secret?”

“Oh, Chandler.” He sighed and gave me a small smile. “For her, I’d agree to be her anything.”

My throat tightened. “I never would’ve thought her weak for loving someone else,” I rasped. “For loving a good man.”

Tom’s smile tightened, and another tear fell. “I know.” Clearing his throat, he went on. “She hadn’t been too vulnerable to love again, she’d been too vulnerable to let you see it. To show it was just as important to take the risk as it was to show restraint.”

I tried to swallow but couldn’t. What he told me should’ve turned my world on end—upended the perspective I’d entrenched myself in since leaving Friendship that morning. Instead, it was like everything that had been foggy came into focus.

“It wasn’t a warning, Chandler. It was a plea. Don’t be too vulnerable to not let Frankie see…to not take the risk.”

“How can I go back now? It’s been…” Too long. Too much silence. Too cruel the way I’d left.

My tongue felt heavy and thick in my mouth. I couldn’t think about leaving the hospital right now, let alone going backto Friendship. Forget haunting me, Frankie would want my head on a pike.And she deserved it for what I’d done.

Tom placed his hand on my shoulder and looked me square in the eyes. “How can you afford to stay away?”

Chapter Twenty-One

Frankie

One month later…

“This smells amazing!” Adele gushed, pulling the candle straight to her nose for a whiff before holding it for Aria to smell, too.

My stomach turned on itself.

“I like to think of it as pumpkin spice on steroids,” I said through tight teeth, trying to hold it together. “If you’ll excuse me a minute.”

It was rude, but I couldn’t wait for their reply. Thankfully, Adele Layton and her cousin, Aria, were friends of mine and Lou’s from high school.

I darted for the back room, my hand pressed to my mouth. I should’ve just taken the pumpkin spice candles off the shelves and boxed them up far and away so this didn’t happen. But it was fall, and there was no scent more iconic for the season thanpumpkin spice, and for the crowds of visitors coming to New England for the cool, colorful autumn, my pumpkin spice candle was by far my bestseller.

Anything for the business,I reminded myself as I shoved open the bathroom door and barely made it over thetoilet before I heaved all of my stomach’s contents into the bowl.

There wasn’t much. I learned my lesson real quick once I realized what was triggering the nausea, and instead survived on saltines for most of the day until I closed up.

Why did it have to be the pumpkin spice? Why couldn’t it be any other candle? Why couldn’t it behiscandle?

Taking a deep breath, I wiped my mouth with a paper towel from the roll I’d tucked next to the toilet for these exact moments, and then, when my stomach started to turn again, I reached for my last resort: the candle on the back of the toilet.

Chandler.

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