Page 12 of Mercy Lake

Alicia took that as our cue to leave. With her hand in the crook of my elbow, she led me from the club, and we headed home.

We leaned heavily into each other, a duo of intoxicated brats who couldn’t hold their liquor. I was still crying, and hadn't stopped since we left.

“It felt all wrong… His beard was too long, too rough and scratchy…”

“You don’t have to force it, Lex. You’re still going through a separation.”

“Then why do I feel guilty? As if I’m betraying something that doesn’t even exist anymore?”

“You don’t owe that man shit. You can have a whole harem of men who worship you, and the only thing you should feel guilty for is which one to pick next.”

I half giggled, half sniffled. “I never thought I’d find myself here. We were so happy, so damn happy. I guess that was all a lie. Who knows, maybe he was always in love withher.”

“You know he wasn’t. Weallknow heisn’t.”

We remained silent for a bit. That was the first time I was willing to be open, to talk about those who must not be named.

I choked on a cry as I said what I was so fearful to release into the universe, so terrified to admit, even to myself. “I miss him, Alicia.God, I miss him so damn much.”I furiously rubbed between my breasts to chase away the ache. The ever-present pain living and thriving in my chest. “I just wish it would stop hurting… When will it stop hurting?”

Alicia hugged me tighter to keep me from falling apart. If only she was strong enough.

Chapter 7

OWEN

I was a walking zombie, refusing to go back to that house. The house I once shared with my wife. The house that sat empty and bereft of her presence.

I couldn’t stand to be there without her. With the constant reminders of the things left behind. Her vanilla perfume sat on the dresser, the once healthy orchid was dying on our kitchen bench, the black heels in our closet that she wore to our last anniversary dinner.

Alexis’ ghost tormented me at every turn, and grief had me overtaken. She was so thoroughly removed and ripped from my life that I didn’t know what to do.

I packed a travel bag of clothes and crashed at my parents. They were trying their best to support me, but I could feel their disappointment, could sense the regret from my brother.

Which was a step better than the rest of the town. Bitter resentment permeated from each whisper, every piece of gossip not so subtly reaching my ears. Everyone was talking about my betrayal, and the worst part was that I couldn’t even defend myself. Didn’t even want to.

They spoke no word of a lie. Sure, some of the rumours were far-fetched and exaggerated, but the main focus remained the same. I was a good-for-nothing cheat who lost the respect and dignity of all those I loved.

Everly continued to blow up my phone, wanting to discuss future plans for our baby—my baby.I still hadn’t really come to terms with everything. It almost felt like an abstract concept. As if all that was happening wasn’t actually happening to me.

I maintained a daily check-in to make sure the baby and Everly were healthy, but besides that, I had no energy left to give them. All my resources were geared towards staying alive.

It sounded dramatic, but it’s truly how I felt—like I was fighting just to remain present and afloat. With barely enough power to eat or sleep, I lost weight, only leaving the house to go to work or stake out Alexis’ parents’ home.

Which is where I was at that moment. I knew I was a complete fool, but it was the only way I could breathe, to be near someone who was in contact with her in order to feel close to her in some way—anyway.

I leafed through the divorce papers again, the ends fraying from my rough handling. Alexis wanted me to sign, but every time I picked up the pen, my fingers wouldn’t move.

A rapt knock on my driver’s window made me jump. I was so far inside my own head I hadn’t noticed Harriot approaching.

I wound down the window with a guilty expression, and Harriot sighed with pity. “Owen, you can’t keep doing this. We’ve told you she’s not coming back, and we won’t talk to her for you.”

My features dropped. I couldn’t even look her in the face. “I know, Mrs Thorne.” I used to call her Harriot, at times even using the endearment “Mum”. That privilege had since been revoked.

“You don’t look well, Owen. You need to start taking care. If not for yourself, for your baby.”

I flinched.When will I come to terms with my new role?

“I just…”Just what, asshole?My hands scrunched the papers, making a crinkly sound. “I just want to talk to her. I need to hear from her that she’s sure about the… About the divorce."

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