Page 127 of Dex

I give his hand a squeeze.“It took Rio to push you over the edge,” I say, teasing.Playing with fire.Knowing that this is what riles him up, I should back down, but I don’t.I want him inside me again.I want him to be jealous and want me.I need the intimacy, the closeness.All of him.

“Rio’s got someone else in mind, I think.”He runs his finger over my breasts.My nipples poke through the silk fabric, and he rubs his thumb over them, making them peak again.As if he’s entertained by the cause and effect of his actions, he keeps doing it.I like it, so I lie back and enjoy the sweet thrum of pleasure sweeping over me.

He sighs.“I’m tired.”Then lays down again.The room is dark, save for my bedside lamp which comes on as automatically when the light is dim.

I wonder how long he’ll stay here, in my room, how long we’ll lie like this.I decide not to ask any questions, and try to savor this moment with him.I turn on my side, then rest my head against his chest, move my hand along it.I feel heartbeat beneath my palm.It’s steady and strong.

Then, it’s like the room is ripe for secrets, for a confession, because he lets one slip from his mouth.He tells me that he doesn’t know how to love someone, and it’s because he is unlovable.His voice is low, barely more than a whisper.

My eyes widen at him talking about love.He didn’t have to tell me that.He chose to open up, to share a part of himself he’s probably never given anyone.That means something.

“You’re not unlovable, Dexter,” I say softly, turning on my side again and looking down at his sad, thoughtful face.“You’re not some monster who needs to be alone.You deserve love.You deserve everything.”He closes his eyes, then turns his face into my hand, and sighs like it’s giving him comfort.

“You barely know me,” he whispers.“If you did, if you knew the darkness in me, you wouldn’t want to be with me.And I … I wouldn’t blame you.”

I let out a heavy exhale, but keep my hand on his cheek so he can’t look away.“You think I don’t see you?I see you, Dexter, as much as you let anyone see you.I know you put up a tough exterior, because you want people to think you don’t care, but I see you.I know you’re kind, and thoughtful and caring when you drop your guard.I know you blame yourself for things no one could control.I know you spend every day convinced that if you care about someone, they’re doomed.”My voice softens.“I know you’re scared, Dexter.But I’m not going to break if you care about me.And I won’t break you.”

My eyes fill with tears, and in the blur, I see him studying me, anguish battling with hope in his expression.

“I don’t know how,” he confesses.“I don’t know how to be with someone, not just to enjoy their body, but to really be there for them.Unless it’s just sex, it feels like I’m putting their life at risk.It sounds insane—”

“It’s not insane,” I cut in.“It’s trauma.And it’s understandable.But you can’t let it rule you forever.”

I feel him pulling back emotionally, retreating behind that wall of guilt.Panic rears its ugly head in my chest at the thought that I’m losing him again, when I’ve only just gotten him back.“You’re not alone.”My voice is hoarse but resolute.“Don’t walk away from me again.Don’t leave me waiting and wanting you, like the last time.”

He turns to his side then.Takes my hand in his.“I won’t.”

“I can help you.We can work through this together.”

His eyes soften and he nods.And my insides glow.

There is a way to keep this man, to show him that his fears are what keep him away from people.I want him to see that he doesn’t have to live that way.

I’m starting to understand now why most of his relationships have been arrangements.Friends with benefits.No strings.No mess.No entanglements.

I flinch at the idea of him with someone else.But I get it.I understand this man whose walls are high, whose heart is hidden.He doesn’t allow emotions or feelings to get in the way.Running my fingers slowly across his chest, I trace invisible lines over warm skin.

I feel torn, and wonder if I should tell him the truth, about my father’s business not being as great as Paul Knight thinks it is.It’s also notthatbad.Besides, Paul will have had ample time and opportunity going around the offices with my father.He would have snooped around and found out the extent of it all.

I decide not to say anything to spoil the moment.Dexter and I are just opening up to one another, and I can’t risk doing anything which will push my husband away.

My husband.

The words feel so right on my tongue, in my heart.I love how we are now, like this, lying entwined in one another in bed, tangled in his sheets, bare and close.I feel warm and safe in his arms, like I belong here.He’s also not rushing to leave.He’s not pulling away.Instead, he lingers.

“Is this a friends-with-benefits type of relationship?”I ask, feeling sad that it might be.Feeling resolute that I’ll take it, if that’s all he can offer.

He sits up.Brows pushed together more than I’ve ever seen them.“What the fuck, Daniela?”I sit up, fearing I’ve ruined the night.“You’re my wife.My wife.You’re so much more, can’t you see that?”His fingers stroke my cheek, and my heart fills like a balloon.“I’m lucky to have you.I don’t care about the contract.I just care about this, you, me, now.”He takes my hand and kisses it.In the back of our minds, I’m sure of it, he’s thinking what I’m thinking.About the alliance.

But we push that thought away.I’m consumed by his words and his vulnerability.This Dexter was always there, but hidden behind the hard facade he so easily puts up.“What do you say, wife?”he asks, when I stare at him still speechless, but happy.

“I think you’re overusing that word.”

He moves closer then chuckles, near my mouth, his lips brushing mine.“I haven’t had a chance to say it like I meant it before, and now I do.”

My heart does little cartwheels inside my chest as he kisses me, softly, cupping my face, his thumb brushing the side of my cheek.His tongue sweeps in and makes my brain fog over, rendering me incapable of thought.At the same time, a fire burns low in my belly.My body prepares for him.“I don’t think I can ever spend a night alone in my bed after tonight.”

“You won’t,” he promises.“Come sleep in my bed.”

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