Page 54 of Breaking Rules

I shrug half-heartedly, my body sagging against the headboard.

“Baby, this is—” He shakes his head. “That’s so messed up.”

“Why?” Pain stabs my heart, like lightning piercing the sky during a storm. My feelings mean nothing to him. It’s all about him.

“Because I already told you I didn’t cheat on you. Yeah, I love to party, and there are lots of beautiful women around, but you’re the only one I want. I’ve loved you since high school. I couldn’t forget you, no matter how hard I tried.”

“I’m the one who got away,” I whisper hoarsely. “Is that what you called me in college?”

“Fucking Walker! He should’ve kept his big mouth shut.” Jake rears back, grasping my forearms and forcing me to face him abruptly. “I’m not a cheater,” he grinds out.

“Then why did you get so defensive when I mentioned Cindy?” I don’t know why I’m asking. My gut tells me I already know the truth, but confirmation will help me decide what to do with him.

“For fuck’s sake!” He shakes me, his fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. “Maybe this chick and I were at some of the same parties. Maybe I slept with her before you and I got back together. I have no fucking clue; that’s why I didn’t tell you anything. But also because, knowing you, you’d have hidden back in your head again if I told you I knew her.”

I don’t believe him. Lies slip through his every word, like water from a sieve.

My mother was my teacher. She lied so masterfully, blaming me for disappearing in New York even thoughshewas the one who abandoned her own daughter. Since then, I’ve paid close attention, and I’ve learned how to tell when people are lying to me.

It may have taken me some time, but now I can spot Jake’s lies too.

I take a deep breath and welcome the indifference that washes over me. I just want it all to end. I want to be left alone. My lips tremble, but I won’t allow myself to cry. Instead, I force on the most convincing smile I can muster.

“Sorry,” I say. “I don’t know what came over me. I never should’ve doubted you.”

“Bullshit.” He scowls. “You’re not fucking sorry at all.” Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath. When his eyes open and he focuses on me again, his voice goes soft. “You should’ve come with me to my parents’. If you had, you never would’ve met this Cindy person at all.” His lips break into a smug smile as he pulls me to his chest. “See what happens when you don’t come to stuff with me? I wouldn’t put it past anyone to try to get between us, to lie to your face to make you doubt me. All I need is you.”

“Uh-huh.” His words do nothing to persuade me, but I don’t tell him that.

Every one of them sends me back in time, to when Kevin would turn the tables and put the blame on me. Nausea claws at my insides. This moment is far too reminiscent of so many others I’ve tried to forget.

Jake tugs on my nightie and squeezes my breast, his eyes hooded with desire. “Fuck, I want you. Fighting with you makes me so fucking hard.” He buries his face in my neck.

I want to vomit, to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, I remain still, too scared to push back.

Fear permeates my veins, making my blood freeze. I’m back in my room with my drunk stepfather.

Some people are strong enough to fight back. I’m not one of them.

I am a coward.

“Avoiding me isn’t going to work, Isabella.” Kevin’s hot breath on my cheek brings a wave of repulsion. “You don’t want to be on my bad side, do you?” He wraps his hand around my throat, squeezing so hard my vision blurs. “You need to fix what you’ve done to me. Drop to your knees and be my obedient little whore.”

I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening, so instead I turned off my emotions, hid my secrets, and let him get away with that transgression and so many more.

Now, I’m letting Jake do the same thing.

“Whatever you want,” I mutter.

He molds his mouth to mine, his kiss hard, demanding, but I don’t feel anything. People who are dead inside can’t feel.

They just want it to end.

CHAPTER19

I CARE ABOUT YOU

BELLA

---