Page 104 of Breaking Rules

November

Mindlessly,I walk down the hallway in the stadium, breathing in and out to calm myself. The anger inside me grows stronger, mixing with disappointment. I should’ve known Jake would pull some trick on me, but I was too busy getting lost in my own head, too upset he was ordering me around about attending the game while I wanted to end things on my terms.

And he did it again.

I chose the safest option and went along with his proposal, but I’m still going to break up with him today. His little trap bothers me less and less with each passing second, though my frustration with myself only grows. I can’t believe I let everyone think I’m gonna marry him.

I let Xander believe it.

My heart constricts painfully. I hurriedly blink away the tears veiling my eyes.

What does Xander think of me now?

Halting in my tracks, I turn and press my back to the wall. I hang my head low and breathe. My reaction today came from the deeply rooted beliefs of my childhood, just like my reasons for staying with Jake. I want so desperately to be loved, I fooled myself into thinking abuse was my love language. I confused someone’s presence with love. Confused sex with love.

Anything to make me feel wanted.

I was starved of love for years, and Jake filled me to the brim with his manipulations and gaslighting. He excels in his art of putting the blame on me, of turning tables and making me believe I was wrong.

It hurts so much, but I only have myself to blame.

I need therapy. I can’t handle it on my own.

“Running away again?”

Breath hitching, I look up and come face-to-face with Xander. A small smile pulls at my lips. He’s still in his jersey, number seventeen; his hair is a mess, and his eyes gleam with something I don’t recognize.

“I needed to think.”

His shoulders droop. “Miller is boasting in the locker room about how he got himself a fiancée.”

“I can imagine.” With Xander this close, the rigidness of my muscles loosens a little. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m alright.”

He frowns like he doesn’t believe me, his blue-green eyes slowly wandering over my face.

“I’m being honest.”

“Have you already forgotten that I can see right through you?”

“You’re—”

“Unbelievable? Yeah, the most stunning girl in the world has told me that a few times already.”

He says it so simply, and my whole body comes to life. My skin buzzes with the need to tell him.

I love him, but I can’t let him risk his career over this. Over me.

“Are you riding with Meg?” He peers over his shoulder, as if looking for her.

“No. I’m waiting for Jake.”

His only response is the narrowing of his eyes.

Unease ripples through me, but I clear my throat and straighten. “Thank you for checking on me, but I think you should go. You don’t want anyone to see you with me.”

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