Page 8 of Insomnia

Chloe looks distinctly unimpressed. “I’m thinking about a year out actually.”

This is news to me, but she changes her mind with the weather, so while the others all start asking her why and recalling Interrailing around Europe and summers in Thailand and whatever else they were lucky enough to have done, I let it ride.

“At least you’ll have an extra year before having to stump up the fees,” Alan says.

“Could you sound any more stereotypically Scottish?” Betty says. “So rude! Sorry.”

“This is Emma we’re talking about,” Robert says. “The money’s already put aside. She’d saved for her first car by the time she was fourteen, doing paper rounds and Saturday jobs, remember.” He finishes with a laugh and it niggles me, as if wanting a better life made me some kind of prude.

“Must be nice to have a wife who saves.” Julian leans forward and refills his wineglass. “But then it must be nice to have a wife who earns. How lucky you are, Robert.” He lifts his glass. “To Emma.”

Michelle looks slapped and for a split second there’s real hurt in her eyes before she composes herself again. “Thank you so much, darling.” Her voice is brittle ice. “That’s reminded me to buy some new shoes on Monday.”

“Michelle works hard,” I say. “Same as Robert. I bet your hours aren’t any shorter than mine and there’s no way I could do such long days if Robert had a proper job.” Only as I finish the sentence do I realize that now it’s Robert who looks appalled.

“Actually, Em—”

A shriek cuts through all conversation and I’m on my feet in a split second, heart racing.That’s my child.A mother knows. The trampoline.

“He was supposed to be jumping! But he wouldn’t!” Ben has his hands on his hips, standing on the trampoline. Will is sitting on the grass, crying. “I was trying to help!”

“Did you push him?” There’s a safety net around the trampoline, but it’s baggy and needs replacing. “Did you?” I glare at him and then quickly check Will over. No blood. Nothing broken. His tears are slowing down and I’m relieved that he’s not hurt, just shocked. I turn my attention back to Ben as the other kids shrink back quietly.

“Get down here and apologize! That could have been nasty. What you did was mean.”

“It was a bloody accident.” Michelle is suddenly between me and her eldest son. “And don’t shout at my child.” She’s swaying a little. We stare at each other, both holding back, both knowing how close we are to saying things we won’t be able to take back and will probably—definitely—regret. She’s drunk and I’m tired. It’s time to go home.

7.

“She’s a bitch.” Chloe is more irate about Michelle telling me off than I am.

“Oh, I’d have been the same if she’d shouted at Will.” I’m in the back seat with Will, who’s quiet but okay as he stares out the window, and with my daughter driving it’s like we’re in some kind of weird role reversal. “And you shouldn’t call her a bitch. What happened to the sisterhood?”

“The sisterhood is about allowing women to be whatever they choose to be. She chooses to be a bitch.” She looks at me in the rearview mirror. “It’s also about sticking up for your mother.”

She smashed her head into the mirror in her room.

“Hey look.” Chloe sits up straighter as she turns the car into the avenue, her voice excited. “Is that— Oh holy shit, is it Auntie Phoebe? On our doorstep?”

Oh god.Everyone turns, and even Will twists in his booster seat. There she is. Phoebe, standing, uptight, in the doorway. Our eyes meet and I think I see something there. A glint of vicious pleasure at my discomfort? Whatever it is, it’s momentary, and then she’s grinning and holding out her arms as if her visit is the best thing ever.

My heart is in my mouth as I watch my daughter rush to her, shrieking with excitement, while Will, at least still holding my hand, looks on shyly.

“Come here, Will,” Chloe calls back. “It’s Auntie Phoebe!” He lets go of my hand and before he can say no, Phoebe’s swept him up into her arms and is planting a big kiss on his cheek. She can turn on the warmth when she wants to. Will hasn’t seen her since he was three, so he doesn’t remember her, and yet still he looks completely at ease, giggling in her arms as she blows a raspberry on his cheek. I feel betrayed.

“This is a nice surprise,” Robert, looking equally as shocked as me, kisses her on the cheek.

“I was in the area, so I thought I’d drop by.”

“You should have called,” I say. “But then you rarely do.” I smile as if it’s a joke.

“Are you going to invite me in?”

What is she playing at? Why is she here?

“Of course.” Robert swings the door open and Phoebe leads the way. She’s wearing a T-shirt minidress over leggings and maybe she kept up the yoga after her birthday, because I have to admit she’s looking really toned.

“Is that tie-dye, Auntie Phebes? So retro cool.”

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