Page 33 of Nora Goes Off Script

The week rollsby in a familiar rhythm. Wake, sunrise, kids, run, tea house, play rehearsal, dinner. Some days we act like a normal couple. We go to the supermarket and the little grocery in town. He wants to go to Costco, but I tell him he can’t handle it. We go to lunch at the bistro and sit at the same table as our first date. I am so comfortable with Leo that I sometimes think I’ve lost the ability to pause between thinking something and saying something.

The waiter brings my bouillabaisse, and I say, “Are you really going to leave after opening night?” I can’t believe I’ve said it once it’s out. I look at my clams and try to regain my cool. “I mean, I know that’s the plan, but is it still the plan?”

Leo says, “I don’t have any place I need to be.”

Relief. “Okay. Well, good. I mean I didn’t know if I should be counting down or... oh, for chrissake.” Vicky freakin’ Miller walks into the restaurant.

“What?”

“It’s Vicky Miller. She had an affair with Ben and thinks I don’t know. Which is ridiculous because everyone in town knows.”

“That bastard,” he says. “What the hell.”

“Deep down, Ben felt really, really bad about himself.”

“You’re still covering for him.”

And in an instant, there’s Vicky standing at the side of our table, big smile. “Nora! I can’t believe it. I never see you out!” Nice.

“It must be Groundhog Day,” I say, making like I’m peering out of my hole.

“I’m Leo,” says Leo, with more reserve than I’m used to.

“Yes. I’m Vicky,” she says, like that’s exciting news. “I heard you were making a movie in town.”

“I was. But now I’m just staying with Nora.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand, waiting for her to speak.

“Well, that’s nice,” says Vicky, who left her underwear in my husband’s Audi.

When we’ve left the restaurant, Leo has a thousand questions. “So you never confronted him about it? You never confronted her?”

“I’m not a big confronter. I mean, it was clear he didn’t love me anymore, and it’s not like you can talk someone into loving you again.”

“Did you want him to love you again?”

I have to consider this for a second. “I guess. If he loved me it would have meant I was a good wife, that I’d been adequate at keeping our world spinning. I liked the idea of that.But I didn’t really care too much about the affair. A year later, he was gone anyway, so no harm, no foul.”

Leo stops me on the sidewalk. “That’s just cold. It didn’t hurt a little?”

“Well, a little. But what was I supposed to do? I kind of had a lot on my plate.”

“Tell me this. If I went and had sex with stupid Vicky whoever, would you care?” A woman wheels a stroller around us, but Leo’s not budging. “Just tell me. I know how to make a scene.”

“Why are you asking?”

“I’m just gathering information.” Leo is vulnerable in this moment. His face is expectant and his shoulders are braced as if he’s expecting a blow.

“I’d care a lot,” I say. And he kisses me, right there on the sidewalk at two o’clock in the middle of town.

As we walk to the car, he’s laughing. “I knew it. You’re so into me.”

•••

Mickey has takento stopping by on his way home from work to have a beer with Leo. Apparently, Leo won him over at the barbecue. There’s something about the way Leo is so comfortable with his success that makes it easy for you to forget about it. By the time Mickey and Kate left, they were making fishing plans for August.August.So now Mickey’s a little in love with Leo too. They sit on the porch, and I cook and try not to eavesdrop until Kate calls and tells me to sendhim home. Leo wants to know about barbecuing ribs. Leo wants to know about solar panels. Mickey wants to know who in Hollywood Leo’s seen naked.

Mickey tells Leo about the bird sanctuary, and he wants to check it out. Though I suggest it would be easier to drive there, we decide to make it our next morning run. I’m grateful for a new route and for the birds, and also for the fact that Leo comes on my runs now because it’s another hour we’re not apart.

If you’re not going to drive, the only way into the bird sanctuary is through the forest on a rough path that runs parallel to a creek. The maple trees have sprouted fuzzy green flowers that dot the bright blue sky. Everything will look different in a month. I take this in quickly because I’m concentrating on the path ahead of me, strategically placing each foot to avoid the maze of aboveground roots at my feet. Parts of this run feel more like an obstacle course than a casual jog. We’re sweating and we’re laughing as each turn presents us with another fallen birch or muddy puddle to dodge. Leo calls over his shoulder that he kind of misses my Subaru, and I feel vindicated.

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