Page 29 of Nora Goes Off Script

“Thank God. I like the farm.”

“One day, Ben found me in here sorting through a stack of bills, trying to figure out which ones we needed to pay and which ones we could lag on. I said something about how we’d be better off if we both had jobs. And I think that was the end. On that day, I think he added me to the list of people who were getting in the way of his big dreams.”

“That was actually in the movie.”

I laugh, because it all is a blur. Real life made into a movie that turns into a wild affair with the man who pretended to be my husband on-screen. For a person whose life is prettystraightforward, I never thought all my story lines would loop back in on one another.

“Did you love him?”

“Maybe early on. But there are parts of people you can’t unsee after years of living with them. Well, his disinterest in the kids, for one. But also his total self-obsession, his inability to appreciate beauty. Lots of things.”

“I appreciate beauty,” he says. And he smiles a smile I don’t know from the movies. It’s the same one he had when Arthur made it all the way through his script without looking.

“What’s this smile?” I ask, tracing his lips.

“I’m happy. I’m so happy he left you.”

•••

Penny texts meten times a day:What’s happening now? How long is he staying? Why aren’t you texting me back?????I reply:I am dangerously happy and generally too naked to text you back.

For two hours every afternoon, we are apart and it’s excruciating. He’s in the auditorium playing director, and I’m backstage babysitting. It’s odd to see all the normal people treating me like a normal person. I am not a normal person. I’m Leo Vance’s girlfriend.

“Mrs. Hamilton,” Savanah asks, “are we practicing the market scene today?”I don’t know,I think.I don’t even know what day it is. It hasn’t even been a week since Leo became my lover, and I’m in a fog that I don’t want lifted.

Kate is helping me corral the kids and calls them out in groups to get outfitted for costumes. I let her take over. “I have never seen you like this,” she says.

“Like what?” As if I don’t know.

“Giddy. Loose. Spacey.”

“I am all of those things.”

“So like, what’s the plan? He’s staying a couple of weeks and then leaving after the first performance?”

“Well, that’s what he said before, but now I don’t know. We don’t talk about it, but he kind of talks like he’s staying. Like there’s more than this.” Her look of concern is hard to ignore. “I’m totally delusional, aren’t I?”

“No, my friend, you are in love. We just don’t see what the happy ending looks like yet.” She puts her arm around me and gives me a squeeze.

•••

Sometimes I leavethe kids with Kate so that I can stand at stage left and watch Leo direct. First of all, I just like looking at him. And if I’m lucky I’ll catch his eye and he’ll shoot me a look that makes me shiver. I also like to see Leo doing what he does, trying to teach the kids about acting. He takes the whole thing so seriously.

Leo seems to think that Oliver is phoning it in. He’s squatting down in front of Ty Jackson’s unusually small frame and looking him right in the eye. “I need you to get into Oliver’s head.”

Ty just stares at him. “His head?”

“I need you to imagine his circumstances. You have no parents, no home.”

“I have a swimming pool,” Ty tells him.

“You do. But Oliver doesn’t. I need you to imagine yourparents are gone and you have nothing but the clothes you are wearing right now. You don’t have a blanket to keep you warm. Not one single friend.” Twelve other cast members look on as Ty closes his eyes and tries to imagine. Twelve other cast members are horrified when Ty bursts into tears.

Leo puts his arms around Ty. “That’s it. Use that in this next scene.”

I rush out and say, “Let’s take a little break.”Too far, I mouth to Leo.

When the kids are getting picked up from rehearsal, Leo walks Ty out to find his mother. The kids and I stay a few feet behind, as if this is either highly personal or highly professional and we shouldn’t be seeing.

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